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Cash Your Wedding Check, Already

Cash Your Wedding Check, Already

At 32, I’ve been to my share of weddings, and I’ve hosted my own. It’s a stressful, fun, surreal day for everyone involved. As a bride or groom, you worry about your clothes and general appearance, not passing out or getting too shit-hammered, whether your fiancee’s sociopath sister will show up uninvited to throw acid in someone’s face, and whether everyone is enjoying the food, drinks, and music. As a guest, you worry about what to wear and your gift: do you go with the registry or a card/check, and how much to spend. That said, as a bride or groom, here’s one way to remove a source of stress from both sides with regard to your gifts:

Cash the wedding checks. Now.

It’s nearly November, and I had a check from a wedding in early August that just cleared. This is unacceptable. As someone who worked out of $15K in credit card debt in grad school and recently bought my first house, I check Mint daily. Having to mentally subtract the check I wrote for your day of #bliss almost three months ago is a daily irritant. I’m currently waiting on two wedding checks to be cashed from ceremonies in September and October, and I wholly despise it. If I were still in my twenties and living paycheck-to-paycheck, I would blame the bridge/groom if I ended up over-drawing an account and would try to cancel payment and our friendship.

Also, it’s just fucking rude. You have dozens (if not hundreds) of people trying to give you money, and your response is “Oh, sorry. I’ve just been so busy over the last entire quarter. Hehe – I keep forgetting that I have thousands of dollars that I still haven’t transferred into my account.” I get that your parents may have paid for your wedding and honeymoon and that you don’t have a crucial need for the cash, but don’t be an asshole.

Complaints aside, we, as humanity, have tools to prevent this issue: namely, Paypal and Venmo. When you’re inviting guests, put a blurb on your TheKnot.com site that your wedding will accept gifts electronically through either platform. You get your gift earlier (and can use it for your ridiculously-expensive wedding or honeymoon), and I don’t have to hate you every day that you don’t just cash the goddamned checks.

Long story short: if you’ve been back from your honeymoon for a week and still haven’t cashed your checks, there’s at least a handful of your friends who want to (Spoiler alert) go Lucille vs. Abraham and Glenn all over your ass.

Here’s a bonus tip for wedding guests: if it isn’t specifically mentioned on the couple’s website or invitation, don’t make a “generous donation in lieu of a gift,” and if you are going to be that SJW fuckface, at least include a receipt so that I don’t immediately read your card as a huge middle finger in my face after I paid for you to party, eat, and booze your face off for an entire night. Otherwise, you seem like a cheap twat who obviously thinks you’re able to just Game Genie the system.

*Checks Mint. Shudders with rage.*

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