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Burger King To Become Enemy Of The State, Wants To Relocate Company HQ To Canada

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TRAITORS! TURNCOATS!

How dare ye turn thou backs on the country that hath giveth thou so much! The restaurant with the most American name in the history of America, Burger King, is planning on relocating their corporate headquarters from Miami, Florida to…CANADA. Yep. Land of maple syrup and free healthcare. How could you, BK?

The speculation comes after Burger King’s planned acquisition of Canadian coffee super giant, Tim Horton’s. Burger King is currently the Wes Mantooth to McDonald’s Ron Burgundy and has always been the perma-number two burger chain in America. However, joining up with Tim Horton’s would turn Burger King into the third largest fast food chain in the world, thus overtaking the likes of Starbucks, Pizza Hut and Subway.

BK claims they’re not bolting from the states due to Canada’s friendly 26.5% corporate tax (America’s corporate tax is 40%. Thanks, Obama) and minimal healthcare costs, but rather because Tim Horton’s is the next big thing in the world of fast food. Horton’s stock is at an all-time high after doing over $10 billion in business last year. Combined, the two restaurants are planning on close to $20 billion in revenue. Hot damn.

These Chicken Fries still taste like betrayal.

[via Business Week]

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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