As predicted, “The League” returned to its usual format this week, leaving the Randy/Rafi bromance in its wake. I’ve complained before about the show getting long in the tooth, and this episode was no exception. The writers continue to play out themes of sexual frustration and they rely on gross humor for laughs, but I still thought this was the funniest episode of the season for three reasons: Ruxin is back from Korea, Rafi is back in Chicago, and Taco is on top of the world. In my opinion, those three are the funniest characters on the show, and any episode that features them heavily is going to be a winner.
Taco’s $1.1M And The Hunt For A House
One of the best episodes of the entire series is the episode in which Taco goes weed free and shows that he is actually the smartest character on the show. After years of watching everyone treat Taco like had downs syndrome, watching Taco outsmart all the other dimwits on the show was really enjoyable. This episode wasn’t quite on that level because Taco was still acting like an idiot, but he’s an idiot with $1.1M to his name which gave him the upper hand over the rest of the cast. As a finance guy, the most infuriating thing to me about this episode was watching Taco walk around with that check. He used it to take notes, he dropped it in the water, and he carried it around in his back pocket. JUST CASH THE DAMN CHECK. I think it will be a real wasted opportunity if Taco loses the check rather than cashing it and blowing the money on ridiculous things. This episode was hilarious because Taco walked around treating the rest of the cast like second class citizens. He made fun of all of their apartments/houses while he looked for his own. He relentlessly made fun of the fact that Kevin and Jenny had an “above ground” hot tub, instead of one built into the ground. It was good, clean fun and I would hate to have it cut short by Taco losing the check and not getting to take advantage of all the money.
Jenny and Kevin’s Sexiversary
After five seasons, the MacArthur Sexiversary is still going strong. For those unaware, Kevin and Jenny celebrate the night they first had sex as if it was the night they got married. This year is particularly important, as Kevin is suffering from low T and Jenny thinks a hot tub is just what the doctor ordered. The hot tub doesn’t do the trick, though, and much of the episode is spent figuring out how to solve Kevin’s issues. Kevin and Jenny agree on a romantic night at a hotel, and Russell, the former sex addict, has just the solution for Kevin: “love pants.” Love pants are made of really thin material that you wear without underwear. The real humor begins when Kevin goes flower shopping for Jenny and runs into Sophia Ruxin. Sophia wants to help Kevin pick out flowers, so she grabs his hand and starts walking him around the store. We learn from Ruxin that Sophia has very supple and delicate hands that turn him on. After a couple accidental brushes up against each other, the combination of Sophia’s ridiculously hot body and Kevin’s ridiculously thin pants causes Kevin to ejaculate through his pants onto Sophia right as Ruxin walks up. “Sophia Ruxin forever unclean!” Kevin runs back to the pants store in an effort to get out of his now cum-soaked pants. While he’s in the changing room, Rafi runs in and shuts the door. What ensues is a hilarious scene where Rafi tries to explain to Kevin (or Brian, as Rafi calls him) that he is now the owner of Sophia because he marked her. It’s a hilarious exchange and classic Rafi. It’s good to have him back.
There were two other storylines that I really thought slowed down the episode. One was Pete’s phobia of holding hands with his new girlfriend, and the other was Andre being an advice whore. Neither were particularly funny, and neither did nearly as much for the episode as the other storylines. I’m still waiting for this show to take some risks. This episode worked because the gang was back together and it focused heavily on Taco, and was complemented by the return of Rafi and Ruxin. The show needs to do more to keep things interesting, rather than rely on trying to increase the level of grossness each week. Also, Kevin’s low T situation needs to die a quick and painful death–Kevin’s been beaten down for five weeks now. It’s time for a new storyline.
Best One-Liners of the Episode
• “American dollars. I put it in the contract that he couldn’t give me Cuban dollars. Business.” – Taco discussing the deal he brokered with Mark Cuban
• “I don’t know. But he said I get to keep the kiosk, and let me tell you, offline is where it’s at. If I’m gonna buy a book or a CD, I want to go into a store, and I’m pretty sure the rest of the world agrees with me.” – Taco discussing Mark Cuban letting him keep the EBDB Kiosk
• “Do you want someone living in your attic who eats all your food and smokes pot in the house?” / “No, I don’t want to run a homeless shelter, Jesus.” – Kevin and Taco discussing the type of house Taco wants
• “I tried to contact you offline, but your MyFace page must be broken” / “Oh, I was using the Korean MyFace.” – Taco and Ruxin discussing Taco’s attempt to contact Ruxin while he was in Korea
• “I fully penetrated his mind. In fact, I creampied him with ideas.” – Ruxin on giving Andre advice
• “There are two kinds of people in the world: people who have a hot tub that is in the ground, and other people who are worried that a tornado is going to take their above ground hot tub away from the trailer park that they live in.” – Ruxin discussing the MacArthurs’ new hot tub
• “You guys have never used Korean baby wipes? I use these bad boys, cleans me up all pretty, and I walk around like a little toddler in a tuxedo.” – Ruxin on his newfound love of Korean baby wipes
• “Because now she wants to hold hands with me, and they’re so delicate and beautiful, it’s like a Peyton Manning hard count, she keeps drawing me offsides. HOLD MY HAND. And I jump.” – Ruxin on holding hands with his wife, Sophia
• “It seems like a fantasy, doesn’t it, until you start working at a Montreal sex club as the toilet.” – Russell talking with Andre
• “Your indoor outhouse is broken.” – Taco referencing the MacArthurs’ bathroom
• “Sophia Ruxin forever unclean!” – Ruxin after Kevin jizzes on Sophia
• “We’re just jerking off in here. You want to get in on this bro?” / “Is the offer to get in on it legitimate?” – Rafi talking to the retail store salesperson as Kevin and Rafi hide out in a changing room
1. (2) Taco – Taco moves atop the rankings this week, as he walked all over the rest of the cast. Hopefully Taco cashes that check next week and hires someone to give him fantasy football advice.
2. (1) Pete – Pete drops a spot due to his weird hand-holding phobia and getting Kevin’s cum-soaked pants thrown on him.
3. (4) Jenny – Jenny still can’t get laid, but she did get hired as Taco’s real estate agent, which should come with a nice commission.
4. (3) Andre – Andre had a bad week as he revealed himself to be an advice whore and wore the most hideous shirt I’ve ever seen.
5. (5) Ruxin – Ruxin’s wife got jizzed on by his good friend, and that’s all you need to know.
6. (6) Kevin – Kevin has been shit on more this season than a porta-potty at a music festival.
Prediction to win the Shiva: Taco
Prediction to win the Sacko: Kevin.