After a cringeworthy season premiere, “The League” toned it down this week and got back to doing what it does best: making fun of its characters. If you missed last week’s episode, you can check out the recap HERE. This week’s episode followed four main storylines: the league began a search for an eighth member, now that Ted is six feet under; Andre picked up right where he left off with zinger after zinger targeted at anyone who got in his crosshairs; Taco searched for a new board member for Taco Corp; and Baby Geoffrey transformed into Barry Bonds when he got a hold of Kevin’s new testosterone gel. We’ll break down each storyline momentarily, but first, here’s a brief public service announcement. When I say “break down the episode,” that means I will discuss the episode in detail, so SPOILER ALERT: this is a detailed account of what happens in the second episode.
The Search For An Eighth Member Of The League
Upon further review of Ted’s will, the group realizes that in order for someone to win his beach house, they must replace him and find an eighth member for the league. After considering The Oracle, Auto Draft, and Rafi (Rafi needs to appear in this season–he’s one of the best characters on television) the group settles on Russell, the sex addict who first appears in season two. Russell has cured himself of his sex addiction by becoming an oenophile, but he demurs at the idea of joining the league. The group convinces Kevin that he has to change Russell’s mind. Kevin stops by Russell’s new wine bar, and Russell tells Kevin that the only way he will join the league is if Kevin has sex with him. Kevin flounders for a minute as he attempts to wiggle his way out of the situation, but Pete, Taco, and Ruxin jump out from behind the bar, claiming Kevin never actually said no to Russell’s offer. Russell agrees to join the league, and the group agrees to watch the week one games at the wine bar.
My take: Russell is a fine choice for the league’s eighth member, but I would have preferred that Rafi make a return. We’ll see if Russell makes it through the entire season or if this eighth spot becomes a game of musical chairs.
Baby Geoffrey Transforms Into Barry Bonds
The show opens with Kevin at the doctor getting treatment for low T, otherwise known as the inability to get it up. Kevin is prescribed “Andro-Lube” gel, which he is supposed to rub on his shoulders to help get boners. Simultaneously, Ruxin’s son, Baby Geoffrey, is struggling on the baseball field, and Andre tells him it’s due to his baseball mitt being too stiff. Geoffrey finds Kevin’s Andro-Lube in the bathroom and assumes it will be a good lubricant for loosening up his mitt. What ensues is pure hilarity. Six-year-old Geoffrey begins growing a Justin Bieber mustache, chest hair, armpit hair, and a “huge bush,” causing Ruxin to ask, “Geoffrey are you juicing?” Geoffrey’s jump to puberty begins paying dividends on the baseball diamond, which helps Ruxin since the team is sponsored by his law firm. Ruxin decides to keep rolling with the Andro-Lube, causing Geoffrey to lead his team to the championship. After hitting the game-winning home run, Ruxin lifts Geoffrey into the air causing the front of his pants to rip, which reveals “giant, meaty clackers” and causes a forfeit.
My take: This was the funniest part of the episode. It was also the most cringeworthy. Giving your 6-year-old son testosterone to help win a baseball league sponsored by your law firm is just wrong on so many levels. But watching Baby Geoffrey’s transformation provided some great laughs, and this storyline also gave us the always hilarious Rob Riggle as the team’s coach.
Taco Corp Searches For A Fourth Board Member
After one of Taco Corp’s founding members, Doak, drowned in a sewer last week, Taco begins the search for a new board member. He tries Kevin, Jenny, and Andre before telling Pete that he was his first choice. Pete agrees to join the board, and we are granted an inside look at a Taco Corp board meeting. The other two members of the board are Gupta and Slick. Slick is in charge of HR and all sexual harassment complaints–unless Slick is the offender, in which case, Pete is supposed to go to Gupta, who is in charge of accounting and also supplies napkins and cutlery from his brother’s restaurant. It’s a strong board, and needless to say, Taco’s business of finding Eskimo brothers is alive and well.
My take: All jokes aside, I’m pretty sure there is a market out there for an app that tells you which guys you are connected to via sex with the same girl. Given that these were Grandex’s last app ideas, I’m going to suggest it to @TFM_Brogramming.
Tefl-Andre Revealed As A Fraud
Tefl-Andre hasn’t missed a beat since episode one, and he’s living by a new life motto: success in all endeavors. His jokes are still on point and the other members of the league begin to question Andre’s newfound confidence. As Pete says, “People don’t just get better at fantasy football, and they certainly don’t get wittier when discussing it.” We quickly learn that Andre donated money to a charity sponsored by Fox Sports’ Jay Glazer and has been receiving help with his fantasy team and jokes ever since. Pete’s hot on Andre’s trail, though, and he is determined to reveal Andre as a fraud. Andre is eventually caught at the wine bar when his earpiece falls out and he is forced to fall back on his own jokes. This leads to Andre telling a terrible joke about Jack the Ripper using an even worse Cockney accent. Glazer gets frustrated with Andre, reveals himself to the group, and walks out, telling Andre to never text him, Instagram him, or DM him again.
My take: I enjoyed the change in Andre. It was fun watching him dish out one-liners and then ask other members of the league for “fives,” which they reluctantly gave because the jokes were so good. I assume Andre will revert back to his old self now, which is fine, but it would have been interesting, especially with the show in its sixth season, to see a serious character change like that.
Best One-Liners Of The Episode
• “You know I’m going to put this on my penis, right?” / “I was almost certain of it” – Kevin and his doctor discussing the Andro-Lube, which is supposed to be applied to Kevin’s shoulders
• “D Dubbed. Dick Wet” – Ruxin
• “Well, we could treat it like your [Pete’s] dating life and just ask 10 random people and see if anyone bites.” / “No we don’t need that because we need an eighth member, not above the pants hand jobs” – Ruxin and Andre discussing how to find a new member
• “God, my son looks like an East German gymnast” – Ruxin describing Baby Geoffrey’s new ‘stache
• “I have hypogonadism” / “You’re allergic to walnuts?” – Kevin and Taco discussing Kevin’s low T
• “I lost five dollars to Pete. I thought Jenny would dry up before you did” – Andre referring to Kevin’s low testosterone levels
• “Barry Boner, Sammy So-hard, Jose Can’t Sex-o” – Kevin’s baseball nicknames
• “You want me to rub horse jizz all over my son?” / “The medical term is ‘horse splooge’ ” – Taco offering Ruxin a replacement for when the Andro-Lube runs out
• “You’re a regular Warren Buffett, Taco” / “It’s pronounced ‘buffet’ ” – Taco confusing a billionaire investor with a spread of food
• “This Brunello is like butt sex” – Russell describing the wine
• “I just found this Bordeaux blend down in the cellar. It’s like being locked in a bear’s den who has been hibernating all winter, and the bear wakes up and he’s hungry for one thing…pubes” – Russell describing the wine
1. Tefl-Andre – Even though Andre was revealed as a fraud, Glazer helped him draft a strong team, and he did win his week one matchup with Kevin.
2. Jenny – No one else has made any moves to suggest last year’s champ is in trouble.
3. Pete – He started to get some confidence back throughout the episode as he got closer and closer to unmasking Andre as a fraud.
4. Taco – Taco Corp is humming along, but I’m not sure if we can say the same for Taco’s team, considering he drafted Chad Ochocinco of the Montreal Alouettes.
5. Ruxin – It was a rough week for the Ruxin family on the baseball diamond. That’s two weeks in a row Ruxin has had his confidence shaken.
6. Kevin – Kevin can’t catch a break; the testosterone issues were just another hit to his confidence.
Prediction to win the Shiva: Andre
Prediction to win the Sacko: Kevin