Since there is only one week left in February, I thought it was appropriate to give you fair warning that it’s almost that time of year again–that time when everyone who is still fortunate enough to be in college goes on spring break. Next Friday, Feb. 28, the schools with the earliest spring break will release their college co-eds for a week full of debauchery that will fill your neswsfeed with photos and your heart with envy.
Sure, it’ll start out innocently enough. There will be one photo of people on a beach and you’ll think, “Damn, those were the good ol’ days.” Then, before you know it, BEACH EVERYWHERE. You’ll sit in your cubicle and sulk in sadness, reflecting on that time you don’t remember but were reminded of the next morning. You’ll start to text your friends about how you need to plan a vacation and how senior year’s spring break was the best one ever. Then you’ll start Facebook stalking at an abnormally high rate. You’ll think of everyone possible who might still be in college, and you’ll see what they’re up to. This only increases the amount of suffering you will feel.
The simple truth is that all spring break roads lead to jealousy for postgrads.
The most amusing people to stalk are those rowdy spring breakers who head off to tropical destinations for a week filled with nonstop binge drinking, beach games, long nights, and late mornings spent piecing together the night before. Of course, there’s always at least one morning when they have to search for the person in their group who went missing the night before. While these groups normally go the tropical route, some take equally exciting ski trip spring breaks. Pictures of lodges, hot tubs, and mountains will make you green with envy.
Even the least exciting spring break will make your heart skip a beat. Those students who head home for the break to Mom’s cooking, zero obligations, sleeping in, and hometown shenanigans will make you long for simpler and happier times.
Falling somewhere in the middle are those students who opt to go on a service project trip. It’s nice, because those do-gooders usually get to go somewhere in the Caribbean, or in some cases, to Europe. Honestly, New Orleans is, like, the least exciting place these kids could go–and if there is anything we know about New Orleans, it’s that they don’t disappoint, especially during spring break.
Consider this your warning. The pictures are coming. It is unavoidable, but you can cope. Here are five tips to get through it: avoid Facebook for a month (LOL); attempt to relive your glory days in one night; put in for time off and book a flight to somewhere hot; find solace in the fact that they will never do Punta Cana as well as you did your junior year; and drink to your memories. I mean, alcohol has helped you cope well with all your emotions in the past, right?