Hey there, Bachelor Nation. Sorry, I just woke up from the three hour nap I took during this last episode, because it was boring AF. However, I still took it upon myself to do the Bachelor Twitter recap because I give the people what they want. This week’s recap is coming to you straight from a lit ski chalet in Aspen where I’m being fancy and identifying hardcore with Vanessa’s plight of getting in and out of hot tubs in single digit weather. Feel free to send condolence pizzas to me in DC when I get back. Now, like Nick and Vanessa, let’s dive right in #punspunspuns.
Tbh, if Raven’s dad and her ex aren’t slamming back a bottle of moonshine together in an effort to forget that she ever appeared on this show, I would be surprised.
No Andrea, they have not, but allow me: What do you call Nick when not even a year of sponsored Crossfit can put muscle on his skinny ass in that ribbed turtleneck? Double ribbed for Raven’s pleasure.
God I hate myself.
Excellent question, Will. Two possible explanations: Either Chris Harrison is the sensitive, caring confidant we all want him to be IRL, or the magic of The Bachelor is all a sham and it was written by a 20-year-old PA. I’m leaning towards the former.
Why do I get the feeling that the entirety of Rachel’s season will be a glorious compilation of the hashtag #ThingsWhitePeopleSay and #StraightWhiteBoysTexting ?
If I’m being honest, I was really rooting for this scenario. #NickEndsUpAlone2017