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Being Jewish Is Apparently Great For Your Résumé

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Do you have your religious affiliation on your résumé? Well, according to a recent study, you should probably leave your religious sect off of your job applications UNLESS, like me, you happen to be a member of the Jewish persuasion. Whereas most people who listed their religion received some kind of discrimination, Jewish applicants were actually given preferential treatment over other religious groups in employer responses. Mazel Tov!

……Hoooooooly shit. Where do I begin on this one?

On the surface, I almost want to say, “Woo, yay, hooray, l’chaim!! It’s finally cool to be Jewish!” The neurotic dreams and struggles of the Woody Allens and Jerry Seinfelds have finally come to pass, and the meek (read: Jews) shall inherit Earth! Corned beef for all!

But then you have to take a step back here and think about why Jewish people are given preferential treatment over their goyim counterparts. According to INC:

“Why? Stereotypes. The hardworking, smart Jewish employee of course, is just such a stereotype. It happens to be a positive one.”

Well, that’s interesting. I mean, it’s a great stereotype to have, don’t get me wrong (although I’d love it if we lost the one about the lack of larger-than-life male members and athletic ability) but good Lord, it’s 2014 and we’re still stereotyping people based on race or religion. Mormons work pretty damn hard, too. How come that doesn’t help applicants? Because of Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s record-breaking musical, “The Book of Mormon”? What about the Amish? They work hard, too. They’re just technophobes, and the subject of awful TLC reality shows.

I mean, people aren’t putting their religious affiliations on their résumés. This isn’t Germany circa 1939 and there are no “gold stars” involved. Employers draw conclusions if you list leadership in a religious organization, if you were in a fraternity associated with religion or culture, or went to a specific religiously affiliated university, like Brigham Young University. Even still, I don’t understand why someone who puts “Vice President of Finance, Bullshit University Hillel” would do better than someone who put a multicultural fraternity on there, or an Italian student organization, or maybe even a member of the polo team or the watercress sandwich appreciation club, for all you WASPs out there. (Seriously? What the fuck is watercress anyway, it looks like if parsley and a four-leaf clover had a baby. What’s wrong with you people?)

As a guy who’s incredibly proud to be Jewish, I don’t want any legs up in the world just because I happen to not eat bread for eight days in April, wear funny hats to my house of worship, and speak a language with lots of “chhhhh” noises. The only thing my religious affiliation should qualify me for is laser hair removal. Seriously, Mike “The Situation” looks like Rambo with his shirt off? I look like Chewbacca circa “Empire Strikes Back.” But for being a rather big “minority,” Jewish people don’t receive any legs up when it comes to college applications or anything like that, and there’s no “Hebrew Hiring Quotas.” Hell, even throughout history, we often got the short end of the stick. We’re pretty notorious for muddling through. So why start now?

Also, just saying, if you hire an office full of Jews, we’re all going to take off for holidays you’ve never even heard of. Want to get a major deal done in September? Better get it done before Rosh Hashanah. You better not even THINK of putting that big staff meeting on Shavuot, and do NOT fuck with Tu B’Shevat. Pro tip: Keep the kitchen stocked with gefilte fish and matzoh, too.

So I guess what I’m trying to say here is, it’s cool if you want to list things you’re proud of on your résumé, especially if you’re proud of your involvement in religious organizations, but just be careful, okay? And employers, stop basing hiring decisions on religion. In fact, everyone just keep your religion to yourselves. Just stop talking to each other in general. Keep your noses out of each others’ business, okay?

[via INC]

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