I’ve gone on record with what I’m naming my kids. If I have a boy, it’s going to be a toss-up between William Fritz deFries III and Steve Yzerman deFries. And I’ll give full female naming rights to my wife, because if she’s willing to go through labor, it’s the least I can do.
But Town & Country just made me dry heave on my keyboard with their prospective popular baby names for 2016. Like, I’m actually upset right now.
11. Emma for Girls and Liam for Boys
Let’s just get this out of the way: I’m all in on Charlotte, Deborah, Theodore, Emma, and William (I’m refusing to just skip straight to “Liam” as Town & Country did). Because I can associate all of those names with upstanding/awesome people, those’ll fly. Oh, and all of those names are completely and utterly normal unlike the rest of the list.
Other than those classic names? This list gets a rating of “or nah” from me. If you’re naming your kid “Kale,” you’re just a piece of yuppie scum that needs to get your head back in the game. This isn’t a farmer’s market. This is your kid’s fucking life.
Furthermore, I’m not even entirely sure how to pronounce Hezekiah and Eurydice so I can’t get behind those, and neither can noted Total Frat Move writer Dan Regester.
I just heard @Dan_Regester refer to Candice Swanepoel as "Candice Swimmingpool."
— Will deFries (@WilldeFries) November 19, 2015
My theory on names is that if you’re trying to be “different” and “edgy” with naming your kid, you fall into a group of people that no one should aspire to fall into: Kanye West & Kim Kardashian, and Gwyneth Paltrow. Sure, they’re all loaded, but they also have kids named “North” and “Apple” which trumps all of their accomplishments in life and reminds us all that they’re just flat-out assholes. .
[via Town & Country]
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