An Open Letter To Guys Who Call Girls Basic

Email this to a friend


An Open Letter to Guys Who Call Girls Basic

Suh dude,

Listen. I’m a 21st-century lady. I have a pretty good handle on how my peers come across. I have a general understanding that, when grouped together, we women can form a tornado of estrogen. But you’re kidding yourself if you think that dudes are any different.

Sure, you can make a joke about a girl being basic— but you should also be able to make jokes about other things, like, maybe about how basic you are. You think pounding Bud Lights and putting on an extra 30 pounds post-grad but refusing to sleep with a woman who did the same makes you a standout citizen? You think aspiring to be Leo à la Wolf of Wall Street but, realistically, are busy being a lazy piece of garbage with a cube job makes you legit? You think occasionally playing shoddy rounds of golf and moaning about the glory days that were college makes you not basic? You think talking about your bracket every minute of every day, having your fraternity letters tattooed on your shoulder, or wearing Patagonia vests and snapbacks at a freaking bar (or ever, for that matter) sets you apart? Do you think talking about women like they’re disposable highlights your oh-so-clever sense of humor?

I have three brothers, so believe me when I say I can take a joke, and I can certainly take a joke that’s about me. Seriously, I have painfully thick skin. I’m not saying you can’t be controversial— because all good humor is risky— but I am saying that this particular jig is up, and has been for a while.

I mean, come on. Do you seriously think every girl is that annoying? She gets coffee from Starbucks? So basic. She thinks the Hemsworth brothers are a 10/10 would-bang? So basic. She studied abroad and has seen the world beyond where she lives and likes to talk about it? So. Basic. There’s a woman gunning for the White House? So basic it hurts. So what if she likes Starbucks? Fuck you, dude, skinny vanilla lattes and thinking about Liam gets us closer to euphoria than your sorry ass ever has. What’s next, guys? Girls are so annoying when they have to pee in groups. Basic girls are basic because they wear bras and put on makeup and—gasp!—have ovaries.

Time’s up, dudes. It was like, kinda funny, maybe two years ago. But much like DJ Khaled’s Snap story, you’re desperately holding onto the remains of a joke that was never really that funny to begin with.

I mostly just have a problem with it because, sure, girls can be basic. But that’s our God-given right. Pretty ballsy to exclusively talk about how girls are basic at the height of a staunch feminist movement, if you ask me. It’s 2016, and guess what? I still get paid 78 cents to every one of your dumbass dollars. I still have people tell me I can’t do things because I have a freaking vagina.

If you were a truly respectable dude, you wouldn’t shit on everything women do whenever you get the chance. You’d let us do our thing, and shut your mouth if you knew what was good for you. Next time you’re at a bar, look around and see how well you all blend in together, as one heaping mess of sweaty, beer-bellied, basic boys. It’s time to face the music, guys: You’re just as basic as we are.

But watch yourself: We have, and always will, call the shots on who you’re spending the night with. As for us? Well, we have Chris Hemsworth for that.

I’m out.

Image via Shutterstock

Email this to a friend


Log in or create an account to post a comment.

Click to Read Comments (65)