I can’t wait to be a parent. I’ll get to have these little people looking up to me and watching my every move. I will be able to literally craft them like da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man. I can pretty much guarantee I’ll be a great parent purely based on how awesome I was at Animal Farm on GameCube. The only way to actually make it better is if I had a wife who I divorce and then dump the kids on whenever I want to do something just for me. I’ll rationalize my actions by telling myself I deserve it and then go on reality TV to find a replacement wife to be a mother to those kids.
I’ll do so well on the reality TV show that they cast me for another one. So I’ll deuce out to Mexico, having popped in just long enough between shows to say hi to my kids and snap a pic worthy of the ‘gram and then continue my life as a single parent. Then I’ll come back with a fiancée whom I’ve known for three weeks.
Basically, I want to model my life after the adorably sweet Amanda Stanton, who finished 4th on The Bachelor during Ben Higgins’s season and recently got engaged to Josh Murray on Bachelor in Paradise. According to Radar Online:
It looks like there is trouble after Paradise for Amanda Stanton. Since confirming her engagement to Josh Murray on the season finale of Bachelor in Paradise, the 26-year-old mother of two is now battling her ex-husband for custody of her two children. Four days prior to Stanton’s big engagement reveal on television, her ex-husband, Nick Buonfiglio, filed documents seeking more time with their two daughters, Kinsley, 4, and Charlie, 2.
Seriously, how dare Nick Buonfiglio seek more time with his kids. I mean, Amanda has been gone for months. She needs to spend as much time with her kids now as possible. And if Nick is spending time with his kids, how will there be any time left for Kinsley and Charlie to hang out with their new dad
Caligula Josh Murray? I’m steamed. Doesn’t even seem like Nick cares about his own daughters.
According to the documents, Stanton’s ex is coming after her for spending time on The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. He reportedly criticized her for appearing on “multiple TV shows.” The papers also reportedly claim Buonfiglio feels Stanton has “been scrutinized for how she has acted by hundreds of thousands of fans.” He went on to say, “It has put my daughters in tons of media attention, which I believe is causing harm.” Buonfiglio also addressed how appearing on The Bachelor and BiP has increased Stanton’s income. He goes on to say, “To add to that, Amanda’s lifestyle and income has dramatically changed,” claiming that Stanton’s income has risen to “well over $20,000 to $30,000 per month,” thanks to her growing fame and social media accounts. Buonfiglio admitted to struggling financially to provide his ex with child support of “$2000 a month.” According to the documents, Buonfiglio claims, “She said, ‘Take me to court if you want more time.’ Which I am doing.”
From the sounds of it, seems to me that Nick is jealous. What gives him the right to criticize poor Amanda for going on “multiple TV shows?” Does a woman not have the right to earn a halfway decent living for her family? Look, some moms work 18-hour shifts at a hospital, some work weekends selling diamond rings, and some just go on lavish vacations masquerading as trashy reality TV. We all have to play to our strengths.
And what’s up with Saint Nick getting mad about the media attention for this? Being a child in the public eye is like getting Wonka’s golden ticket, only there’s no Slugworth to pollute your mind. Hey Nick, ever heard of Macaulay Culkin? The Olsen twins? Lindsay Lohan? Don’t force your kids into a normal pre-school experience by keeping them out of the tabloids. Think of their futures, man.
Nick, you have some nerve asking to not pay your $2,000/month child support. You actually expect Amanda to dig into that $20-30K/month she’s earning to buy her children food and clothes? Fuck outta here, man. She earned that money fair and square so she could retire at 26. Nick’s the biggest ass clown on earth for taking Amanda to court.
Seriously though, Josh is poisoning Amanda’s brain, right?.
Image via Youtube