You can tell a lot about a person by the way that they keep their bedroom. Most of the girls I’ve been with are total slobs when it comes to a tidy resting place. Clothes strewn all over the floor, a giant mirror that never got hung, and piles of clothes that still have tags on them. This is what I like to call “the returnables pile.” This particular kind of clothing either didn’t fit to their liking, or they wore it out once and now want their money back. If you didn’t know, most of this clothing doesn’t get returned for weeks, and it’s more than likely from Forever 21, Akira, or J. Crew, depending on the type of girl we’re talking about.
If you’d like to talk about tidy rooms, though, mine is right up there with the cleanest of the clean. I have the privilege of having a washer and dryer in my apartment. This means I can do laundry whenever I want and I always fold it and put it away safely immediately following a spin in the dryer. I like to keep a window open at night, and I have two fans going at all hours of the day. One oscillates and sits in the corner of my room, while the other is situated near the head of my bed, which allows my face to get a nice cool breeze whenever I’m laying down.
In my mind, there is no question that everyone needs at least one fan going while sleeping. But this seems to be a point of contention for a lot of people, mainly women I’ve slept with. Some love the fan. Others go so far as to make me turn it off during the night because it’s distracting them from sleep. While I definitely don’t believe that this is as big of hot budding issue as loofah-versus-washcloth or taking two showers a day, I need to know if I’m the psycho for having a bunch of fans on during the night. I inherited the habit from my parents I guess. When I was a small child and would sometimes create a pallet at the foot of their bed, they would always have a fan going, be it the ceiling fan or a larger one somewhere in the room.
Is it a regional thing? Are people in large cities less inclined than people like me (from small Midwestern towns) to utilize the greatness that is a fan during the nighttime hours? Before a few months ago, I legitimately thought that everyone slept with a fan on, if not for a breeze than for the soothing sound that it makes. One girl I used to see last winter told me some bullshit about her Korean grandmother telling her that sleeping with a fan on with the door closed leads to death. She explained nothing further, but sure enough, there’s a Wikipedia page about it and everything. I won’t delve too far into it, because you can go read the page if you’d like more information, but essentially what I got from it is that leaving a fan on can lead to hyperthermia, or heat stress. Obviously bullshit, as my fans are the only thing keeping me from dying during the summer months with no air conditioning.
The next complaint I got was from an old flame last fall, who said she was getting a sore throat from the fan and I needed to turn it off. This one, while still more believable than the Korean death myth, is also pure, unadulterated horse hockey. You know why people claim they get sore throats from a fan being on all the time? Filthy rooms. This, my friends, is not a problem for me. I Swiffer and vacuum my place at least once a week. In my next life, I could be a fucking hotel maid. That’s how clean my room is. Not to mention the fact that I clean the blades on both of my fans twice a month to prevent dust build up. Is it OCD? Maybe, but it’s better than being surrounded by dust all the time. I have asthma and I’ve never had a problem with my fans causing my throat to dry up or get sore. Boom, roasted, non-fan people. Get out of my face with your false accusations and attempts to make me uncomfortable. Team fan for life. Or until I get someone makes an air conditioner that makes a sound similar to my fan. .
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