Maybe it’s because I’m hungover as balls today (SXSW is corporate spring break, man) but I’m not as amused by the idea of a drunk toddler as I normally would be (very). Mostly I just feel for the kid. Yeah, little lady, alcohol is pretty terrible, isn’t it?
A two-year-old was accidentally served sangria at a Texas Roadhouse in Asheville, North Carolina last Friday. According to WLOS, the Gilliam family was at the restaurant to celebrate the 25th birthday of Derek Gilliam. The couple ordered food and a cranberry juice for their toddler Gabriela but when she sipped the drink, she said that it “tasted funny.” When Derek and his wife Tiffany tasted it, they realized their daughter had been served sangria instead of juice.
So many questions about how this happened, and on accident no less. Do they keep the sangria right next to the juice? Are both liquids kept in unmarked containers? They serve sangria at Texas Roadhouse?!? What astoundingly suburban, pill addicted, negligent soccer moms are ordering them? In a way this is unsurprising, though. Texas Roadhouse is a den of nightmares for a person with a peanut allergy, so their being a little lax with food safety isn’t unbelievable. (Texas Roadhouse is the one with all the free peanuts, right? If I had a peanut allergy those places would easily supplant a run down funhouse full of horny, naked, flesh-eating clowns as the scariest place on earth.)
The toddler, two-year-old Gabriela Gilliam, noticed that her juice tasted funny and told her parents, but the damage had been done.
The alcohol had a serious affect on Gabriela: Tiffany tells WLOS that “she was staggering and she was kissing everything.”
Yeah that sounds about right. Might want to get a handle on that some time in the next 16 years, before she goes on her first spring break.
She was also throwing up.
Sangria has got to be one of the worst alcoholic beverages to mistakenly give a kid. That’s not a Coors Light or a Smirnoff Ice, that’s some serious blackout juice. Might as well just pour her a shot of tequila and a double gin and tonic.
Eventually, the Gilliams took Gabriela to the hospital where the doctors offered up a pretty obvious diagnosis of “accidental alcohol ingestion.” Tiffany tells the news station that she had to “rub her belly the whole night” and that she was scared Gabriela would “choke on her throw up and not wake up.”
Been there Gabriela. Been there.