A Man’s Breakdown Of This Year’s Lollapalooza Style

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A Man's Breakdown Of This Year's Lollapalooza Style

Festival season. There’s really nothing like it, is there? How many situations are there where you get the privilege of sweating in a huge, uncovered area with thousands of drunk people all vying to use the same disgusting portable bathrooms? It’s the only place where water costs more than beer, and where it’s completely acceptable to wear outfits that would otherwise make you look like the most ratchet person in any bar in the tri-state area. Truly a beautiful time of year, and one that I’m definitely too old for at this point.

So what better way to celebrate the season than by ranking this year’s trendiest outfits and one of this year’s trendiest festivals? Well, it’s essentially Cornfed Coachella, so it’s not that trendy, but still, why don’t we explore?

A photo posted by Rock N Rags (@rocknragshp) on

In the most surprising move of the festival, these girls somehow didn’t use the #squad hashtag while posting this photo. But with their off-the-shoulder, black/white/faded jean look, you have to give it to them that they put together a cohesive look for their Instagram. Sure, they’re going to have the same cohesive look as about 80 percent of the other girls at Lolla, but still. If you entered these girls hotel room, you’d see the following: two handles of cheap vodka with diet soda chasers next to them, the same three combinations of outfits all crumpled in their suitcases, a plethora of turqoise jewelry, and enough hair products that it would make you wonder, “Why does their hair look like they just woke up then?”

Overall Rating: 8/10

If you look closely, you’ll really see the details of this girl’s seemingly simple outfit. From her inch tall heel that must’ve been fun to maneuver through the crowds in to the flash tattoos on her left arm that will be there all week at work, she feels committed. Sure, she purchased her dress from a head shop and will probably never wear it again unless she uses it around Halloween, but her five-dollar fanny pack will be perfect for those “darties” and “jarties” she’ll have all August.

Overall Rating: 6/10

A photo posted by Flash Tattoos (@flashtattoos) on

Prior to the festival, these girls texted each other, “Hey, what do you think Kylie Jenner would wear?” And then they took elements of Kylie’s style, stripped them down completely, ruined them, and tried to make it work by shopping at Forever 21. Again, we see flash tattoos and fanny packs which seem to be a central theme not just as this year’s Lollapalooza, but at every basic music festival this summer. While their intentions were direct, their implentation was sub-par.

Overall Rating: 2/10

“Here, take another one, I don’t look casual enough,” is what she told her boyfriend who took this photo. She knew what she was doing with her sunglasses slouched on her nose and the rando braids sticking out of her Tupac-style bandana. Unfortunately, we can’t see if the romper she has on covers her full legs or cuts off at the thigh, and that makes a huge huge difference when it comes to how much she was committing to the outfit.

Sidenote: she also has already made this her Instagram profile photo, which is considered a huge success considering that’s really the only reason you endure three days of sweating in a huge crowds.

Overall Rating: 9.5/10 (Short Romper), 6.5/10 (Long Romper)

Going with the every-girl’s trademark of black cutoff shorts, she was well intentioned. Unfortunately, she made the one mistake you can’t make at any concert, and that mistake is wearing the shirt of the band or festival that she’s currently attending. It’s like seeing a guy in the crowd at The Masters wearing a Masters polo – you have to act like you’ve been there before, and act like it’s not that big of a deal to you. If you’re not self-aware enough to know that by this point, that’s on you. But, she did play to her strength by getting a cropped shirt, so props.

Overall Rating: 3.5/10

A photo posted by ALEX AND ANI (@alexandani) on

Flower crown? Are you being serious right now? That’s so 2014. Everyone knows that Mermaid Crowns are in this year.

Overall Rating: 1/10

Image via Instagram

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