What a ride it has been, huh? As you know, my one year anniversary is coming up, and I think that an extravaganza should be in place. I know we don’t do that for anyone else here, but I think that it would be a proper way to celebrate how unbelievable it is that I have lasted this long. I don’t want just another ‘Congratulations!’ card that you have everyone on the team sign. Even though they’ll say nice things, I know that most of it is a bunch of bologna. You all know that I put in just enough effort to get by and bring essentially nothing to the table work-wise. Yes, I am the comedian of the group, and I’m good for a few laughs, but I’m not your first option for an actual work question. Along with the constant laughter that I provide, “Hawaiian Shirt Thursdays” and “Friday High Fives” are the lone highlights of my rookie year in the corporate world.
I know it is tough to deal with me at times. Especially when you have a serious issue that needs my assistance. I know I don’t always have the correct answer for you, but at this point, we both know I will always find the silver-lining in a situation. You need me to call someone and chat with them for a few minutes? No problem. You need me to deal with an upset client? Not an issue at all. You need me to work on an operational issue with our website? Let’s cool our jets for a minute.
Even though you know all of these things, I just wanted to remind you of all the good things I have brought to our team.
Similar to Michael Scott’s 15th year anniversary party at Dunder Mifflin, I’d like to make a couple requests. If not that, I’d like to at least get the party-planning committee together to brainstorm some ideas. Like Michael, I would like to open up the party with a minute-long applause to commemorate my one year at the company. The type of applause does not matter, as long as there is applause. Following that, I would like a minute-long moment of silence to commemorate this possibly being my last year with the company, which you know all too well is a possibility.
My performance can only be compared to one thing: The 8th man of an NBA team. My performance over the past year may not show up in the metrics. It may not show up on the computer screen. I may not light up the box score, but what I do bring to the table are the intangibles. Heart, energy, morale, and optimism — things that cannot be taught in the hundreds of trainings you’ve made me do. For those reasons alone, I should be rewarded greatly.
I appreciate you looking into this for me and I look forward to attending this extravagant party. I’m sure everyone will be excited to go.
P.S. Open bar or GTFO..
Image via YouTube