Columns

A Guide To Spending Thanksgiving Away From Home

hungryman_turkey_02

It’s the week of Thanksgiving, and there are dozens (or hundreds, depending on how your last paycheck looked) of reasons you are not going home on Thursday. For some of you, this may be a bit depressing. You are now spending one of the biggest family events of the year in your one-bedroom apartment by yourself. For others, staying away from the holiday will be a perfect way to avoid that awkward conversation about your lack of a significant other. Regardless of how happy or upset you might be, there are steps that you can take to make this Thursday away from home one of the best days of the year.

1. Call Your Mom

iphone

Set an alarm to wake yourself up around mid-morning. You most definitely will be hungover from Black Wednesday, but the second you don’t feel like you are going to puke, give your mother a call. While you may be excited that you will be avoiding all of the family drama that is associated with Turkey Day, your mother most certainly will not be. Odds are she is going to spend 20 minutes crying and talking about how grown up you are, and how you no longer need her. This will be a very vulnerable moment for your mom, so if you are in need of something, such as cash, it would be a good time to ask for it. I’m not saying you should take advantage of the woman who gave birth to you, but there’s nothing wrong with a little strategic sympathy.

2. Get Booze

LiquorStoreCops

This one is a no brainer. The whole point of Thanksgiving is to drink, eat and watch football. If you don’t want to follow this tradition, you just need to pack it up and move to another country. America has no need for people like you. Since a lot of stores are closed on this holiday, you really need to prepare for this step and buy a bunch of alcohol the night before. If you didn’t think ahead, you’re screwed. Have you seen liquor stores on Thanksgiving? Imagine a Target on Black Friday, but instead of a Target, it’s a liquor store and instead of soccer moms, it’s alcoholics. Only the strong survive.

3. Gather Your Friends

friendfootball

Odds are there is at least a small group of your friends that will still be in town on Thursday. Get those people together at someone’s place and celebrate the fact that you don’t have to work. This will feel just like you went home, except you won’t have to explain your functional alcoholism to everyone.

4. Don’t Try To Cook

10

Out of your group of friends, only two of you that can make mac and cheese without burning it. Don’t get the bright idea to try and make a traditional Thanksgiving meal. For starters, it’s going to take too much time; and second of all, it will never taste as good as home. Just order takeout food or make something simple so you can spend more time playing drinking games and enjoying your day off in the middle of the week.

5. Hit The Town

drinking-alone

Working on the day after Thanksgiving is a joke. 80% of the office will have the day off and the people that are actually working will also be hungover, so you can definitely plan on going out that night. There should be a decent number of people looking to hide from their families, so the bars should have a nice crowd. You’re going to leave at 2:30 again, anyway, and your boss is on vacation in Corpus Christi. You’re in the clear. Booze it up. Toilet nap. Long lunch. Home before you know it.

Email this to a friend

Still Single

Yes Mom/Grandma/Aunt/Everyone, I am still single.

3 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More