A Guide To Doing Absolutely Nothing This Weekend

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A Guide To Doing Absolutely Nothing This Weekend

This summer has been a busy one. The joke about making a ton of plans and then spending the majority of your free time inside watching TV and touching yourself has not been the case for me. Between vacations, hiking trips, concerts, and weddings I feel like I have been running around non-stop for two months.

And you know what? I’m beat. I’m starting to remember how it felt when I had mono in 8th grade. So I’ve decided that this weekend I’m going to do nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. I want to hole up in my apartment with supplies and only leave to let the dog out and maybe to pick up my Postmates, if need be.

But doing nothing isn’t quite that simple. You have to prepare to do nothing; have a game plan. If you don’t have a strategy set in place you are simply setting yourself up to say yes when someone invites you to try this new lunch spot, or run out to Target because you realize the only food in your apartment is sour cream and some questionable tomatoes.

Resign yourself to the nothing.

You can’t say, “I’m not doing anything today” if you’re just going to get FOMO the second you hop on Instagram for a little perusal and see the shots of everybody out at whatever Beerfest or Street Fair is happening this weekend. You have to commit. You have to accept that all you will be doing for the next 48 hours is eating with no utensils and catching up on True Detective.. Maybe unplug for the weekend – except for Netflix and HBO Go, of course. But if you decide this is what you’re going to do you can’t just freak out the second you hear the words “Saturday Happy Hour,” decide to rage again, and then come Monday you end up even more exhausted than when you started.

Stock up like you’re making a disaster kit.

Let’s face it, there is no way your fridge is ready to deal with you being around for a full 48 hours. You need to hit up Trader Joes, Target, Safeway, Piggly Wiggly – whatever your grocery store is and stock the hell up. Get your popcorn, get your Oreos, get your shredded cheese, get whatever your go-to struggle snack is. Wanna get wasted by yourself? Maybe snag a few bottles of champs for at-home mimosas. Or Blue Moon if, like me, you’re also a big fan of the beermosa. But get what you need so that you don’t have to come back on Saturday when you realize that you should’ve gotten toilet paper but you got too distracted by the scented candles to remember.

Take advantage of the nothing.

Sometimes nothing really does mean, “I sat on my couch all weekend wrapped in a down comforter re-watching Harry Potter.” But sometimes it can mean that you can catch up on all of the shit you don’t feel like doing when you come home after working for 9+ hours. You can finally do your laundry, wash your sheets, take care of the stacks of dishes making you look like you live in absolute squalor. You can shower without worrying about having to blow dry your hair. Been putting off the thank you notes your mom keeps bugging you to send from your birthday? Take care of them while not wearing pants. Need to clean your bathroom? You can actually take your time instead of panicking before a hook up comes over so you just go over the whole thing with a Lysol wipe. You can take a Parks and Rec break between every chore if you want unlike when you were a kid and had to finish it all once you started – adulthood rocks.

Don’t give into peer pressure.

People are going to text you, but you have to stay strong. You have to either not respond or just say, “I’m taking a weekend. Have fun!” and leave it at that. You won’t have a weekend of nothing if you jump out of your skin every time you see the words “beer,” “bonfire,” or “brunch”.

But on that note, Caroline just texted me about this new spot with bottomless mimosas and floor seat tickets to Taylor Swift tomorrow…meh, fuck it. There’s always next weekend.

Image via Shutterstock

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