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A Guide To Chick Flicks And Chick Lit For Dudes

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One of the hardest things to come to terms with after college is that getting laid is no longer like shooting fish in a barrel. In your case, the fish are an apt metaphor for the fine coeds that frequented campus bars where the drink specials made your current happy hours look like five-star cocktails.

The problem, my dear friends, is that we are no longer among a constant influx of our peers seeking the same pursuits – higher knowledge and attempting to forget said knowledge four nights out of the week. Now we are forced to go out into the urban sprawl, searching for new people that are no longer impressed with that time you successfully started the wave at the homecoming game while completely blacked out. We actually have to attempt decent conversations with one another, and it’s exhausting to say the least.

The problem with meeting new people off-campus is that they often have different interests, goals and hobbies than you or what you’re used to. Plus, as hot as they may be, finding things in common with them may be a bit of a stretch. This could prove to be a problem if you’re trying talk to them long enough by polite standards to score a phone number or to get them to go home with you.

Because I’m a generous and giving person to the men in my life, I’ve provided a brief synopsis of some of the more “popular” things that most girls are fans of or are at least familiar with. If she brings up any of the following as one of her favorite books or movies, you can at least shoot back a vague response that will make her think you’ve been forced to watch or read it at one point by another female. This will both entice and infuriate her, because women are strange, competitive creatures. I would know. I am one.

Chick Flicks And Lit Spark Notes

The Notebook (book and movie)

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Hot girl leaves Cyclops from X-Men to be with hot guy/internet meme Ryan Gosling. They get super old but not before doing it in the rain a few times.

Pride and Prejudice (book and movie)

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The literate girl turns the snobby, rich dude into a kind and generous, love letter writing snobby, rich dude. It’s basically all about the guy changing his ways for the girlfriend, hence why it’s been popular for over a century.

Wuthering Heights (book and movie)

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Hot guy literally goes crazy over the girl he grew up with/fell in love with. Unrequited love, inherited castles and lots of backstabbing. Basically, your Saturday night on mescaline.

Sex and the City (TV show and movie)

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Four pre-menopausal, slutty women living in Manhattan spend an extravagant amount of money on booze and shoes. Start running and don’t look back if anyone refers to themselves as a character (e.g. I’m such a Carrie!!!!!!) from this show.

Downton Abbey (TV show)

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The parallels between a wealthy family, their help, and their collective daily lives on the family estate. However, if you’re invited to a Downton Abbey viewing party, be prepared to get wasted in a three-piece suit. It’s worth the time investment for that alone.

Pretty Little Liars (TV show)

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High school girls do a lot of murder mystery sleuthing in short skirts. The rest is irrelevant.

The Great Gatsby (book and movie…s)

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Regardless of what other people may tell you (IT IS NOT A LOVE STORY), the theme revolves around moral decay in an age of decadence. Similar to the Downton Abbey themed parties, prepare to get wasted while wearing that tux you wore to your brother’s wedding last month.

Gossip Girl (books and TV show)

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Pro-tip: one of the best ice breakers (if she’s already wasted) will forever be “Hello, I’m Chuck Bass.” You’re welcome.

Mean Girls (movie)

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Stop lying. You’ve seen it.

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sarahsolfails

Writer in NYC. To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough."

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