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87% Of Law Grads Give Their Legal Education High Marks,You Really Are All Drunk

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That’s the only reasonable explanation I can come up with.

In its never-ending quest to make prospective bar exam students forget about the inconvenient existence of BARBRI, Kaplan Bar Review has recently come out with its annual survey of recent law grads. 2013’s class of Juris Doctor candidates was surveyed regarding what changes they’d like to see be made to law school, including whether a legal education could be condensed into 2 years (63% answered, “yes.” Glory boys).

The most interesting answer that stood out, however, comes from what grade would the class of 2013 give their law school’s performance.

High Marks for Law School: Despite law school graduates’ call for changes, the vast majority still give their law school high marks. 37% gave their law school education an “A” grade, while 50% gave it a “B”. Only 11% gave their legal education a “C” grade; 1% scored it a “D”. No respondents gave their law school education an “F”.

To which I say, “Shenanigans.”

Don’t get me wrong. My disbelief doesn’t stem from the up-again, down-again Stockholm Syndrome experience I’ve had pursuing the JD. In fact, if, by some terrible, ill-conceived mistake I were asked to participate in this survey, I would have also given my school at least a “B.”

But I’ve seen the rest of you. I’ve seen your ugly faces and droopy eyelids glaze upwards toward the professor when he rudely interrupts your Facebook creeping to get his Socrates on. I’ve seen you hesitantly raise your hands in class with all the enthusiasm of A$AP Rocky standing next to Jason Collins at the VMA’s. A month into 1L, your body has deteriorated into an amoebic blob of malaise, grotesque beard length, and the permanent smell of Marlboro Reds. You should really think about taking a bath.

And yet, 87% of you assholes have the audacity to give your law school experience at least a “B”? Where has this newfound appreciation for the daily grind of class come from? Aside from the gunners, of course. Fuck those guys.

Maybe the eighty-seven number comes from some delusional sense of false nostalgia and accomplishment. The whole “best time you never want to have again” schtick. Maybe, in light of passing the bar and shedding the beast of burden accompanying law school, you’re able to look back at your past three years and genuinely say, “You know what? Wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Allow me, however, to proffer an alternative theory that is not only based on the preponderance of the evidence, but far and away can be affirmed beyond a reasonable doubt: Law students are every bit the alcoholics as the stereotype says they are, and you were all drunk off your ass as you jokingly took that survey. Probably even filled it out in between shots at the bar, after you passed the bar, before you passed out on the bar. Just remember AA is always an option.

[via w3schools]

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