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5 Ways To Power Through A Monday

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It’s pretty much universally accepted that Mondays suck. There’s really no way around it. After a weekend of not being at work, relaxing, and actually feeling like a human being with things like, you know, dignity and self-respect, going back to the office absolutely blows. That’s just the way it is. Mondays seem to drag on longer than any other day of the week. Fortunately, I’ve discovered a few ways to power through them and make it to close-of-business.

1. Eat A Good Breakfast

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There’s a reason your mom always told you to start the day off with a healthy meal. It’s damn good for you. Admittedly, I didn’t do this for the longest time. I’d skip my morning meal, head off to work, snack on junk from the vending machine, and then eat a crappy lunch. It was horrible. Not only was I not eating anything that really tasted good, I completely lacked the energy to complete the menial tasks I had to perform as an entry-level employee. Once I started eating a big breakfast, I noticed I actually felt more energized. Please note that I said more energized—not more motivated. I can’t help you in that department, and honestly, I don’t know that anything can.

2. Caffeine

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Caffeine truly is God’s gift to the cubicle crusader. I don’t know who first decided to grind up some dark brown beans, run hot water through the grounds and make coffee, but damn, I’d love to shake their hand. Without it, I’m pretty sure productivity in this country would decrease exponentially. Personally, I drink more of it than I should, but I have an incredibly high caffeine tolerance. I need the stuff. I get headaches without it. I start feeling ants all over me, man. A cup of coffee at the right time can make the difference between feeling like absolute shit and a sense of alert fastidiousness. Plus, and here’s the kicker, there’s a little medical condition out there known as “Coffee Induced Powershits.” A case of those and you’re out of the cube and in the stall for a solid 30, minimum.

3. Do Something That’s Not Work

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Here’s my personal favorite. If I can get paid to do something I actually like to do, all while I’m supposed to be doing my job, that’s an ideal situation. It’s different for everyone. Some people sit there and do crosswords or Sudoku. Others surf the web and watch YouTube videos clandestinely. No matter what you do, the key here is not to get caught. If you can pass the time while, for lack of a better term, fucking off, without getting noticed, good on you. It’s probably not a bad idea to at least get some work done though. You have to try to blend in. You don’t want to draw attention to yourself. Don’t go all out, though. Then you’re just working.

4. Nap

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If you could just skip a couple hours to get to closing time, would you? Well, that’s essentially what a nap does for you. Logically speaking, if you’re tired, a nap is probably the ideal way to pass the time. However, it comes with great risk. I’m not sure about your office, but in some lines of work, you can get in a lot of trouble for sleeping on the job. It’s one thing to be caught off task. If you get caught sleeping, though, it’s pretty tough to explain that one away. That’s why you’ve got to be sneaky about it. If you’re going to sit there and tell me you’ve never knocked out a quick power nap in the shitter, you’re a damn liar. You could always pull a Costanza and crush a nap under your desk. Whatever works.

5. Listen To Music

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Here’s the method that I’m pretty sure is the best. Not only does it help pass the time, but it increases productivity in my opinion. I have a BS degree, although not one in a scientific field, but it’s still got the word “science” in it, so I think you can trust me on this one. Music definitely helps you get the work done and it obviously passes the time. However, its key benefit is even greater. One of the worst things about Mondays, and work in general, is having to listen to annoying coworkers. If you’re rocking out to “Hey Ya” while crunching some numbers, you won’t have to listen to whatever crap Sheila is saying about the awesome date she went on two nights prior. Obviously, headphones are key here. Just as you don’t want to hear other people’s music, which probably sucks anyway, they probably don’t want to hear yours—even if you are bumping to some Outkast.

No matter what you choose to get through the day, you have to do something. Mondays have the ability to suck the life out of you quicker than you can imagine. Whether you’re jamming to “Holidae In” or trying to catch some shut eye in a bathroom stall, you’re at least doing something to pass the time until you can go home. Hey, it sure as hell beats working.

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John Blutarsky

John Blutarsky is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Post Grad Problems, and on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, tries to figure out how helicopters work, and actually has a real job.

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