I know we all asked it growing up: “When will I ever need to do algebra in real life?” The answer is still never. Since high school graduation, I have yet to use the Pythagorean theorem for anything other than trying to sound smart when talking to small children. Here is a list of five things that we should add immediately to the curriculum instead.
Basic Child Care
I don’t know how many times I’ve been standing next to people who have a kid, and all of the sudden, they need to attend to some dire situation. So what do they do? They make me hold that vomit filled creature. Don’t get me wrong, I love children, but I have no idea how to hold or handle a baby. It’s inevitable that at some point, every adult is going to become the primary caretaker for a child, even if only for a minute. Our schools need to prepare us for this moment.
I have had a job since I was sixteen years old, and almost all of those jobs have had a need for basic Excel knowledge. Almost every job description these days states somewhere in it, “basic Microsoft Excel experience preferred.” I propose a semester’s worth of Microsoft Excel training before graduation. I don’t think kids need to know extensive formulas, but if everyone who graduated high school had a general knowledge of Excel layouts and how to organize data, this would do wonders for the productivity of American businesses. I work for a Fortune 100 company and probably 95 percent of the people in my office have no idea what to do with an Excel sheet.
How To Dress
Every day, I go to work and my eyes are polluted by the ignorance of my coworkers who just don’t understand how to dress. I’m talking Helen Keller levels of incoordination. Not until I started working in an office environment did I notice the complete lack of understanding the general public has on fashion. I’m not talking about who’s wearing the color of the season or if the new girl in accounting is wearing last season’s skirt, I’m talking about the basics: not matching your shoes and belt, actually wearing a belt, ironing your shirt and pants, shining your shoes, and knowing what colors do and do not look good together. Take some damn pride in your wardrobe. Find a tailor, a seamstress, or just buy clothes that fit. Just imagine an office where everyone dresses like Don Draper. People perform better when they feel and look good. This is a win-win for everybody.
This is one subject that I wish was around when I was in school. Very few people truly have the gift of gab, and most of you who think you have it don’t. People actually hate when you talk to them — they just don’t know how to politely tell you to leave them the hell alone.
I personally have the hardest time starting a conversation with people I don’t know. I go through my standard talking points, which consist of the weather, where they’re from, and what they do for a living. After that, I’m a ship out to sea with no sail. I am no longer responsible for what verbal diarrhea may come out of my mouth to break the awkward silence. Thanks a lot, public education.
How To Make A Damn Good Cup Of Joe
There is nothing I enjoy more than an outstanding cup of coffee in the morning, afternoon, or evening. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing. Some days, I would even pick coffee over sex because it means that much to me. Kids these days are so spoiled with their pumpkin spice lattes and peppermint mochas that they don’t even know what real coffee is. I’m talking about cowboy coffee: freshly ground and roasted beans, no sugar, no cream.
Kids don’t realize it yet, but coffee is as much a necessity as it is a luxury. Some days, you just need a good cup of joe to get through the day, and that motor oil that has been sitting in the break room all morning just won’t cut it.
That’s it. We need to start writing to our children’s school boards, superintendents, and even congressmen. It’s not too late to make some changes to the common core requirements that the president has been forcing down our teachers’ and school administrators’ throats. I’m all about grooming our youth for a better future, and a better future starts with a better education..
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