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5 Songs Drunk Undergrads Ruined For Me

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I love a song that unites a bar into one mass group hug of yell-singing just as much as every other drunkard closing down the bar. However, sometimes song obsessions can take what was once a great, timeless tune and turn it into one that makes people roll their eyes and pray you stop singing it in the middle of the bar like someone begging to be saved at a Benny Hinn sermon. Some of you are going to thoroughly disagree with these, but before you think I’m just out here trying to kill your vibe, stop and ask yourself, “Am I wearing this song out and making it less enjoyable for others?”

“She Talks To Angels” – The Black Crowes

I absolutely love The Black Crowes, way more than any other girl singing this song at the bar, I assure you. The fact that if you asked one of the ten girls standing in a group next to the juke box, swaying back and forth, belting this song with a drink in one hand held next to their heart and the other hand in the air for effect, who sings this song, their answer would be “Black who?” I could die, or push them down, or maybe both. Not to mention, Chris Robinson, the lead singer, has said this song is loosely based on a goth girl he knew who was into heroin. Actually, if you are a goth heroin user, please come find me at the bar and sing this song to me.

“American Girl” – Tom Petty

My dad took me to my very first Tom Petty concert when I was 9 years old. I can still remember standing on my seat the whole time so I could see, while I sang every word. Tom has my heart, and the man has never made a bad song, but let me break some very traumatic news to you, while you may be from America, THIS SONG IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s one thing to relate; it’s another to scream it at the bar like it’s your theme song.

“Brown-Eyed Girl” – Van Morrison

Once again, great song by an even better artist. You may have brown eyes, but singing this in second-person about yourself will not, in fact, convince a man-friend to sing it to you in the most romantic of ways. Plus, that would pretty cliché anyway. Aim higher. I was once someone’s “Sister Golden Hair,” never again.

“Sweet Caroline” – Neil Diamond

Although the title of this article blames mostly the girls, the guys are equally to blame for this one being on the list (as well as the next one too). I am guilty of once participating in the drunken “So good! So good! So good!” fist pump into the air, but after the thousandth time, I knew this had run its course.

“Don’t Stop Believing” – Journey

This should really come as no surprise to anyone. Before you come torch my house (please don’t my parents live with me), hear me out. I understand the love people have for this song. It’s motivational, it has that sweet riff at the beginning that warrants an air guitar like none other, but how many times can you see and hear this be done before it’s just enough? Plus, everyone should know that “Feeling That Way / Anytime” is Journey’s best song anyway. Duh.

Bonus: “Crazy Bitch” – Buck Cherry

I couldn’t put this song above because I in no way want to lead anyone to believe that I ever, at any time, considered this a good song. It has been a real punch in the ear since day one, but for whatever reason, bitches love it. Dancing around the men-folk while singing this song will not make you more intriguing. They will not think you’re crazy in a good way or amazing in bed. You may achieve “easy” status at best. I’m really just looking out for you here.

Lastly, please ease up on “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John and “Joker” by Steve Miller. I refuse to let anyone ruin Elton for me, but some make it really hard. Also, just because you enjoy getting high occasionally after class and on the weekends, doesn’t necessarily mean you should run around the party making sure everyone knows you’re a midnight toker.

Enjoy the music, while doing less.

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McMagistrate

After stretching college out for 9 years, McMagistrate is now an attorney in her late-ish 20's who earned her title by embracing the stigma that accompanies a healthy partying habit. She enjoys showing off her sub-par golf game and pretending her impressive law school loan doesn't exist. You can likely find her on her patio, live-tweeting her wine binges, and concerning her neighbors.

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