1. “Welcome to the real world.”
I’m sorry, but I was under the impression that we all lived on planet Earth, which I’m pretty sure is very real to all of us. Just because you’re 52 years old and bitter that you need a demonstration every time you have to use a flash drive, doesn’t mean you can throw this incredibly condescending cliché at us every time we say something even resembling a complaint at work. Also, I don’t know what college was like when you went, but for me it was actually an incredibly challenging and REAL experience. Obviously I had a ton of fun, but I took up to 18 class hours at a time and worked part-time at restaurants and internships at the same time while taking said classes. So yeah, college was awesome, but it was also very real work experience, so I don’t appreciate the fact that you’re trying to tell me I just now made it to the “real world.”
2. “Oh, you’re still single?”
This delightful phrase can be most commonly heard at family gatherings and during the holiday season, when your alcoholic Aunt Ira asks you why you haven’t brought anyone to Thanksgiving for five years in a row. I don’t know, Aunt Ira. Maybe it’s because I actually want to LIKE the person I’m married to instead of getting hitched to the first person I meet and drinking six glasses of wine every night just so I can tolerate the very presence of my husband.
Not to mention, you don’t even know what it’s like to be single in this day and age. When you were my age you didn’t have to deal with texting, and social media, and just the internet in general. Dating sucks enough as it is, and now we 20-somethings have this whole other pile of crap to add on to make it even more difficult. Now, let’s make a Christmas toast so you can drink away your boring married life while I drink to forget I’m going home to an empty house because I can’t even afford to feed a cat.
3. “But you look so young!”
I know I can’t speak for everyone on this, but ever since I can remember I have looked younger than my actual age. I guess I just have “one of those faces.” When I was in high school, people thought I was in middle school, and when I was in college people thought I was still in high school. Well guess what, middle-aged people? I can look young and still be a real adult and do real adult things! Every time you comment on how young I look, you’re diminishing my work and my personality by circling back to your seniority over me. How would you like it if you told me you went to the gym and I responded by saying, “Oh, but you look so old!” Yeah. That would be stupid. So stop doing it to me.
4. “You’re so mature for your age.”
This one goes hand in hand with #3. I may only be in my early twenties, but that doesn’t mean I can’t react with logical emotions and actions just like you. Obviously, we’re not all mature yet—I know quite a few folks that could use a lesson in maturity (I’m looking at you, everyone who writes Facebook statuses complaining about their horrible lives but refusing to say specifically what is wrong), but I like to think that most of my peers are pretty well-rounded and mature adults. Please treat us as such instead of acting surprised when we act like normal human beings.
5. “When I was your age, this is how we [insert general, outdated dating custom].”
Well, guess what, old man? Now it’s my generation’s turn, and everything is completely different now than it was when you were my age. I’m not trying to diss older people and their advice, here. I completely respect older generations and all the knowledge and wisdom they have to offer to us on general life matters. But when you hear this phrase constantly in reference to how people used to ask girls out on dates or how no one reads newspapers anymore, it gets real old, real quick. Guys still ask girls out on dates, they just don’t put a wrist corsage on them like you used to. Not as many people may be reading newspapers now, but that doesn’t mean we’re not reading the news somewhere.
Old people of the world, give us a break. People said the same damn thing about your generation.