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47 Things WASPs Love

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White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, better known as WASPs, are perhaps the ultimate cultural pariah in America these days. The culture has dwindled in the last 20 years, but there are still people out there whose wardrobes only consist of cable-knit sweaters, loafers, and patterned khakis. They’re not just rich white people. They’re the best kind of rich white people. There’s never been an appreciation for WASPs. They’re the ones who are constantly cast as the bad guys, and they’re never appreciated for how great they really are. Let’s raise a glass to WASPs.

  1. Gingham.
  2. Popham.
  3. Clothing patterns that end in “-ham.”
  4. Crossing your legs in Adirondack chairs.
  5. Madras print.
  6. Using “summer” as a verb.
  7. Owning a boat, but never driving it yourself.
  8. Any type of loafer.
  9. Calling your family company’s employees “the help.”
  10. At least half of the ACC.
  11. Working in New York. Living in Connecticut.
  12. The Winklevoss twins.
  13. Sun tea.
  14. Knowing the best “tentist” on the East Coast.
  15. Kate the WASP.
  16. Your mom having a nickname like “Mumsy” or “Bunny.”
  17. Being from Vermont and owning an emerging maple syrup conglomerate.
  18. White wine.
  19. “You can find me on the Vineyard” bumper stickers.
  20. Calling Martha’s Vineyard “The Vineyard.”
  21. Bubbled glass dishware.
  22. Blue and white patterned china.
  23. Being referred to as “well-monied.”
  24. Yacht rock.
  25. Women’s Polo button downs.
  26. Your grandpa being called “Cappy.”
  27. Boat jokes.
  28. Kennebunkport.
  29. Richard Gere’s friends in “Pretty Woman.”
  30. Wearing knit sweaters even when it’s warmer than 75 degrees outside.
  31. Barbour jackets.
  32. Calling them “Top-Siders,” not “boat shoes.”
  33. Rowing crew.
  34. The Kennedy family.
  35. Yacht clubs.
  36. Having a politically incorrect grandmother.
  37. Your dog’s breeding line being just as important as your own family’s.
  38. Andy Bernard.
  39. The Ivy League.
  40. The name “Wendell.”
  41. Five generations of Lodge family breeding.
  42. Having an elected member of Congress representing one of the 13 colonies in your family.
  43. Tortoise frames.
  44. Taking a “vacation” to Switzerland.
  45. Refusing to call UVA a state school.
  46. Beta Theta Pi.
  47. Knowing a guy at “The Journal.”

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TheChampionsTour

TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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