- At least half of your text messages are “I’ll be there in five” and “running a bit behind schedule.”
- You’ve received a round of applause from a plane full of people for making it on board just before push back.
- Your bathroom clock is 15 minutes ahead.
- You’ve stopped coming up with excuses entirely. People have accepted that you’re going to be late and don’t ask questions anymore.
- You make the McAllister family look punctual.
- You’ve made an entire row of people stand up so you can get to your seats.
- You keep a fake speeding ticket in your wallet just in case you have to produce evidence.
- You’ve perfected the flustered, arms out, “Hey, I’m sorry” gesture.
- You think the national anthem constitutes the first 20 minutes of a game.
- You hear “Glad you could join us” upon arrival on a regular basis.
- You’ve trained yourself to send a “Hey where u at” text after showing up anywhere.
- You spend the first half hour at a bar playing catch up.
- You are a master of
making finding yourself a spot in a conversation circle.
- You have developed a god complex thinking events don’t start until you’ve shown up.
- You don’t realize it’s time to leave your house until you drop your phone on your face.
- You often find yourself saying “We just got here!” because you actually did just get there.
- All is forgiven when you bring in donuts.
- Punctuality is for try-hards.
- You’re an expert at making an entrance, but also an expert at discreetly appearing out of nowhere.
- “Hey I’m just finding a place to park.” -sent from my iPhone right after getting out of the shower and standing in front of my closet in just a towel
- Procrastination is more of an art to you than it is a bad habit.
- You have it figured out down to the second how long you can stay in bed before you have to get out of bed and not be late for work.
- You accepted your job because there’s a great rear entrance to the office.
- You have to leave room in your yearly budget for speeding tickets.
- And court-mandated driver safety courses.
- You have sat in silence while the officer writes you a ticket after being pulled over just so you have a valid excuse for being late.
- You hate waiting. That’s why you’re late to everything. Yeah, that’s why.
- You’ve perfected the art of apologizing to the entire row of people at the sporting event you showed up to halfway through the second quarter.
- “The previews are like 20 minutes long anyway. We’re good.”
- “Yeah, I know where we’re going. It’s around here somewhere.”
- Irish Goodbye? More like Irish Hello.
- “Have you ordered yet?”
- You have wandered around restaurants and bars like a lost child in search of your friends.
- It is physically impossible for you to close your laptop.
- You own a watch and don’t see the irony in it.
- You’ve ruined multiple surprise parties.
- You use phrases like “arriving in style” and “fashionably late” in situations where that is completely unwarranted.
- You always make sure you have something in your hand when you show up late, so it looks like you were somewhere else beforehand. Coffee, donuts, a hammer. Anything to cover your ass.
- You have kept an old car for too long just so you can legitimately use the “car trouble” excuse.
- “Hey, where’s the bathroom in this place?”
- You’re reading this listicle instead of getting in the car and going where you were supposed to be five minutes ago.
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