The cubicle mate is a lot like your freshman year roommate at college, except you only put up with their existence from 8-5 and you don’t have to stay outside when a sock is on the doorknob (Fun Fact: No one told me that rule going into college which really made things awkward on my first weekend in the dorm). The cubicle mate could either be your friend or could be nothing more than a Lego you must step on every day of the work week. Either way, you have to work with them and I have little to no advice to give you.
1. The Mute
This cubicle mate could be one of the better pairings. This person tends to keep to themselves and you hardly notice them most of the day. The downside is you might actually have to do your work if they refuse to talk at all. We all know doing our job is the last thing we want to do while at the office.
2. The Storyteller
The storyteller is one of the worst people you could be paired with. Seriously. No one gives a shit about your overactive bladder and I am not interested in what account you’re working on, what you did last weekend, or what was in your dog’s feces this morning. This is the only time I wish I could do the job I was hired to do instead of listening to this person.
3. The Cool Guy
This is the guy who might say “we should have Beer Fridays” or “this cubicle is definitely big enough for a putting green.” The cool guy is the best person to share a place smaller than the supply closet. Besides your boss walking in while you’re playing Fuck, Kill, Marry, there is no downside to this option.
4. The Politician
This person makes your life hell. There are way too many of these people in the world and you’re wondering what you did to deserve this. They talk a big game but they literally do nothing to back it. When the month end report deadline comes around, he suddenly has a crisis and begs you to do it for him because he’ll “make it up to you.” He won’t. He’ll forget about that debt as soon as he walks out the door while you’re working on his report until midnight. Thank God for Hulu Plus to catch up on the How I Met Your Mother episode you missed that night. Their role in the office is a joke and, luckily for you, they will most likely be fired (and replaced by a clone of that asshat).