Columns

4 Things To Consider Before Having A Devil’s Threesome

Screen Shot 2014-08-28 at 2.18.52 PM

If there is one thing women love above all other things, it’s the attention of a man. If there’s one thing women love even more than that—it’s the attention of TWO men. The devil’s threesome has long been a fascination of mine. I always said, “I could never handle that,” but in the back of my mind I secretly hoped one day I could pull off the task of sexually conquering two dudes at once. Well, that day came and went, and although it was one hell of a ride, there were a few things I didn’t take into account about my sexual fantasy that I wish I would have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m way open to the off chance I have another D3, but with the proper preparation and taking the following into consideration.

Stress

What they don’t show you in porn, or movies, is the high pressure that comes with juggling two sets of balls at once. Being nervous during sex with someone new is normal. Being excited is normal, but needing to pop a Xanax mid thrust because you’re stressed about accidentally teething Guy 1’s manhood because Guy 2 is taking you from behind like a mad man – that’s not normal. Women are fantastic multi taskers, but every so often we get overwhelmed. We want to give each penis enough attention but we can only fit so many balls in our mouth at once.

Germs

So. Much. Saliva. Everywhere. Not only are you swapping spit with one guy, you’re then tonguing another dude and all his germs. His mouth, your mouth, his dick, your mouth again. It’s a cesspool for bacteria. Have Listerine on standby for the benefit of all parties involved.

The Unknown

Most times threesomes happen with one guy you’ve slept with before, and one newbie. Maybe they’re friends, roommates, it could even be a total stranger, but the bottom line is one of them knows your sexual preferences and the other one is just going in blind. This can cause communication problems. For example, you’re so caught up blowing the hot-shot quarterback, you fail to notice his teammate is about to ram his D into your B hole with the force of a thousand Spartan warriors, totally unannounced when you’ve never had anything other than poop up there (just kidding, girls don’t poop).

Overuse

If you’ve had marathon sex you’ve probably experienced banging to the point of everything being dry and raw. Now you’re introducing another man to your mouth, vag, and potentially, ass, and you can end up with a sore jaw, swollen snatch, and aching backside before you know it. My mom always said everything in moderation is okay, and so goes it for threesomes. Don’t overdo it or you’re going to be regretting it in the morning.

Ladies, don’t count out a devil’s threesome from your sexual portfolio—it can be pretty amazing to be the center of two guys’ attention. Just make sure you know what you’re getting into before you put an extra player on the field.

Email this to a friend

18 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More