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4 Things That Go Through A Guy’s Mind Before Breaking An Abnormally Long Dry Streak

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It happens to the best of us. Maybe you’re a few months out of a breakup. Maybe you’ve been so busy at work that all you’ve done the past several months is work, eat, jerk off, and sleep. Whatever your woes, you’ve been out of the game much longer than you are used to, and now suddenly you have an opportunity to break your slump and get back on the horse (although hopefully they don’t actually look like a horse). Many guys have experienced this same issue, and these four things are bound to be going through a guy’s mind when he’s about to break a long dry streak.

Is my penis still in top form?

Yes, it seems like an irrational question for sure, but it’s not unfounded. In a guy’s mind, his penis is like a baseball player’s throwing arm. It requires practice, skill, precision, and natural talent to properly use, and If he uses it too much or uses it the wrong way, he risks a career ending injury. If he doesn’t use it enough, he won’t pitch as well, and he’ll be off the mound again in no time, and the vast majority of guys would rather be pitchers than catchers, anyway. Now, after several months on the bench, it’s the guy’s chance to step on the mound, hoping that he can still throw a fastball, slider, and, of course, a screwball. Hell, he wants to make sure his arm can last for a complete game. Don’t want to be yanked off the mound and replaced with a reliever.

Am I going to be able to last more than a few minutes?

When a guy’s been on an epically long dry streak, the first thing that goes is his stamina. First, obviously, is the fact that he’s almost unprepared for the feeling of a woman’s love tunnel after so long. Since he hasn’t had the practice to hold everything in, he’s little better than a two-pump chump. Round one is likely to end with that awkward moment where the guy and girl are lying next to each other and the guy tells her, “Sorry, that’s never happened to me before. Just give me a minute and I’ll be ready to go again.” The second problem is endurance. No exercise that I know of can properly prepare a guy for five minutes straight of thrusting, let alone 20 minutes or even an hour of it (wishful thinking, right?). That being said, maybe I should start hitting the gym again.

I shouldn’t have gorged on food before heading out.

When a guy hasn’t gotten laid in a while, he changes his routine a little bit, because he stops giving a damn. Any sex veteran knows that on nights that might end up in the bedroom he needs to eat early so he can take a pregame dump. Nothing quite kills the mood like having to poop minutes before hopping into bed, but after an extended slump the habit of eating dinner early is easily forgotten, and big late dinners turn into midnight shitters. The only thing worse than a pre-sex poop is trying to get it on with a stomach full of food. I imagine that’s what hell is like.

Did I remember to check the expiration date on these condoms?

Any careful man makes sure he has an acceptable supply of condoms in case of spontaneous sex. However, as a dry streak goes on, it’s easy to forget how long the condoms have been sitting in the drawer. If someone only has condoms that expired during the last presidential election, or that have practically petrified because they were purchased aeons ago, why bother wrapping up at all? Kidding, I’d imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen to someone is catching an STD or getting a girl pregnant while breaking a slump, but then again I don’t envy the man who has to buy condoms the same night he gets laid. Just pull out and pray.

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5OClockShadow

"Technically, Pablo Escobar was in sales."

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