When you get past the soaring debt, self-righteous yet backstabbing classmates, and three years of worthless theory, law school really isn’t that bad…I guess. But seriously, there are many legitimate reasons to get a law degree. For instance, if you truly love the law (like me) and want to immerse yourself in it, law school may be for you. However, if you’re just some hack whose parents recommended law school to you because you’re “good at arguing,” save yourself. That’s the last reason anyone should consider law school.
Either way, there are many inevitabilities when it comes to law school. The one that comes to mind first is the professor “characters.” If you’re in law school, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Chances are, no matter what your educational background, you’ve had a few, if not all of these professors at least once. I firmly believe that there are four distinct character profiles that almost every law professor will fall into.
1. The Scholar
Every institution has a few of these guys. They’re the ones who graduated #1 at Harvard or Cornell or some other unreachable institution like that. They’re the kind of professor that makes you step back and wonder why the fuck they chose to teach at this godforsaken institution. This professor loves the sound of his or her voice more than that of the Almighty. Between the overly-verbose anecdotes involving them and their former partnership at Who Cares, Fuck You, and Eat Shit Law Group (LLC) and explaining legal theory that was abolished around the same time as The Byzantine Empire, you may have enough time to sneak a hit of the flask to maintain your sanity.
2. The Nerd
Before you call me out on this, yes, you have to be a bit of a nerd to even consider law school. However, this nerd professor takes the cake. He usually teaches the more mundane classes of law school (imagine that). You’ll find this professor doing his best Ben Stein impression in Professional Responsibility, Property, or possibly Legal Writing. This professor doesn’t have an interesting vein in his or her body, the kind of person that I picture always driving roughly 3mph under the speed limit. Occasionally this professor will attempt this rare concept known as “humor,” but you won’t know whether to feed sad or laugh out of pity.
3. The “I Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass”
This professor probably just got tenure and he or she is fresh out of fucks to give. They probably made 6 figures in the private sector for a while and have a nice fluffy bank account, and now they’re riding out their years molding the next batch of lawyers through a series of plagiarized notes, lectures, and tests. You can usually Google sections of this professor’s notes and find them scattered about the internet, written by someone who is definitely not your professor. Everyone loves this professor because he or she seems like someone you’d like to get hammered drunk with. However, come exam time, you’ll quickly find out that having a professor who doesn’t keep up with class makes for an exam that no one understands, not even the professor.
4. The Hippie
This professor almost always teaches Criminal Law. Probably hitting their stride in the ’60s, this professor despises the police, drug laws, and the government as a whole. Everyone knows that the best way to get an ‘A’ is to pretend to be the biggest libertarian on earth and it’s a lock. If this professor had his or her way, we would live in a lawless society that would be comparable Grand Theft Auto’s multiplayer.