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34 Signs Your Brain Still Thinks It’s In College

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  1. It took less than a week for you to show up to your new job with a crippling hangover.
  2. All of your friends are getting married, and you’re still ordering pizzas at 3 a.m.
  3. Your sleep schedule still hasn’t adjusted from your last “no classes before noon” semester.
  4. You’ve calculated the last possible minute you can leave your house to still make it to work on time.
  5. The last three home-cooked meals you had were Ramen Noodles.
  6. If you could set your Facebook status to “In a Relationship With: Vodka,” you would.
  7. The anxiety that checking your bank account gives you takes months off of your life every single time.
  8. Your first thought before joining a community kickball team is, “Can I get drunk before the games?”
  9. You regularly find yourself at work thinking “Man, I wish I had an adderall.”
  10. “Brunch” and “Sunday Funday” are basically the exact same thing to you.
  11. Fridays are still dedicated to avoiding as much work as you can.
  12. Your after-work beers are just as glorious as the after-class ones were.
  13. You completely forgot about your outstanding student loan balance during your grace period.
  14. You still occasionally leave your credit card at bars.
  15. When you visit old friends, the conversations always end up being about the “good old days.”
  16. You can barely keep a fish alive, so kids are completely out of the question.
  17. Going out on a Monday still doesn’t seem like a terrible idea.
  18. Snow days still excite you, even though you’re technically supposed to work from home and not just get drunk all day.
  19. You set it up, but you still have no idea what a 401k is.
  20. See also: your credit score.
  21. Your Tinder age range still starts at 18.
  22. Sober hookups are the most awkward thing in the universe in your mind.
  23. It still takes five separate alarms and you hit the snooze button three times before getting up in the morning.
  24. You’ve met multiple new people whose names you’ll never remember.
  25. The idea of staying in for a whole weekend is completely out of the question.
  26. Your drinking habits make every little errand as hard as a 14,000 piece puzzle of a cloud.
  27. Your vacation days are dedicated to revisiting your college town (even though you hardly know anyone who still goes there).
  28. You still call your parents hoping they can explain what the hell is going on in your life.
  29. You’re considering getting a master’s degree just so you can have one more spring break.
  30. You still live by the mantra: “If I can’t remember it, it didn’t happen,” despite the obvious flaws in logic.
  31. “Taking it easy,” means you’re only going to black out once during the weekend.
  32. Your older coworkers consider you a terrible influence on their children.
  33. It took you six months to fully furnish your apartment.
  34. You’d wear sweatpants to work if you could get away with it.

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Joe Nullet

Joe is a writer for Post Grad Problems and TotalFratMove who enjoys an after-work Yuengling just as much as the next guy. He still doesn't own a box spring for his bed, but if you know a guy who is selling one he's definitely interested.

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