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30 Reasons You Should Never Work Out During Lunch

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Squeezing in a workout with a full-time job is no easy task. Consider the obstacles: time, energy, pizza. At some point in every postgrad’s introductory years, he or she takes the lunchtime workout into serious consideration. Bad move.

  1. You will be unable to contain protein farts back in your cubicle.
  2. Even after a cold shower, you’ll still perspire the rest of the day.
  3. Do you put the same socks back on that you wore to the gym? They’re half-dirty. But they’re half-clean.
  4. Your balled up, dirty gym clothes will make your gym bag smell like a sweaty postgrad for the rest of the afternoon.
  5. You’re extra hungry the rest of the day and you only packed a regular sized lunch.
  6. You’re already mentally drained, and now you’re physically drained, too.
  7. Your muscles will tighten up because you were too lazy to stretch, and now you’re too lazy to get out of your chair.
  8. You thought you were being healthy, but your metabolism has been kicking on all cylinders for five hours, so see you a Chick-fil-A.
  9. Having to shower after the gym is like having to get ready in the morning all over again. But without your bed.
  10. There are little dispensers in the gym showers that hold something that’s not quite soap, but not quite shampoo.
  11. Seeing old guy locker room wiener in the middle of the day. It’s not what you want.
  12. There’s cake in the break room, and you’re missing out on it.
  13. Johnny Football just tweeted a picture of a cheeseburger. If a professional athlete doesn’t need to hit the gym at lunch, neither does an accountant.
  14. #TeamDadBody
  15. You can always just do it after work. Or tomorrow. Or never.
  16. If you forget your towel, you have to air dry with the hand dryers.
  17. You’ll be that weird, heavy breather on the 1 p.m. conference call.
  18. Lunchtime happy hours.
  19. It’s physically impossible to be in line at Chipotle and in the company gym at the same time. Thanks, science.
  20. Hinge matches reset at noon.
  21. The handicap stall is always open while people are at lunch.
  22. Just imagine yourself reclined all the way back, windows rolled down, a little classical music on Pandora, and your eyes shut for a much needed car nap.
  23. Like you’re going to kick your hangover before noon. You think a 25-year-old can pull that off?
  24. You’re not good enough to run with the pickup basketball games.
  25. You wouldn’t even get picked on a team.
  26. If you work through lunch, you might be able to leave early.
  27. You can just walk the building’s stairs instead. Well, walk down them and ride the elevator back up.
  28. It’s the only hour of the day your cube-mate isn’t there to bother you. Take advantage and rule the cube.
  29. That really old guy in HR who’s in weirdly good shape can lift more than you. No one needs that much self-loathing.
  30. You realize that 5Ks are really just a prank on humanity, and you can, in fact, donate to charity without running.

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