Columns

30 Hilarious “Shower Thoughts” From The Internet’s Funniest Forum

Screen Shot 2014-11-19 at 11.31.43 AM

There’s a subreddit called Shower Thoughts, where people can post whatever hilariously strange, philosophical thoughts they have “in the shower” and share them with the world. This forum probably wastes a majority of the little free time I have, which is why I feel internally obligated to share this internet gold with you. Here’s a list of 30 “shower thoughts” that absolutely made my day today.

  1. The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew on their army knife.
    -Mukhers
  2. “The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that’s just science.”
    -grindinurbed
  3. What are snails even trying to do?
    -BlueSkadood
  4. I wish I had a Mario Kart-like ghost of myself punctually getting ready for work in the morning so I’d know if I was running late.
    -OMGGGEEEE
  5. X88B88 looks like the word voodoo reflecting off of itself.
    -roboccohurly
  6. If Obama was the president of Kenya, he would be their first white president.
    -SlothBrotherhood
  7. Being attracted to your own flacid penis would be the worst fetish ever.
    -Mofman1
  8. The word “Fat” just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word “Eat”.
    -dunkm1n
  9. Thanks to the Internet, I have probably seen more naked ladies than all of my ancestors combined.
    -CurtisTH
  10. The witches from Sabrina having a cat called Salem is like a Jewish family with a cat called Auschwitz.
    -OldMikeyboy
  11. Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.
    -tectactoe
  12. I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
    -shicky536
  13. If I touch my phone in the right places, a pizza will show up at my front door.
    -drunkbird
  14. 1/3 of marriages are now from online dating and that number is only increasing. That means that computers (algorithms) are starting to breed humans.
    -fleetw16
  15. Using your old laptop to research buying a new one is like asking it to dig its own grave.
    -WorthierCaptor
  16. Pimp my Ride should do a “where are they now” episode
    -wallydee
  17. If job ads say “must be fluent in Mandarin” why don’t they post the entire ad in Mandarin, that way only genuinely fluent people could apply?
    -Scamwau
  18. Imagine how terrifying horses would be if they were carnivorous.
    -vinnienine
  19. There should be an optional “people are sleeping” button on the microwave to stop it from all the extra loud beeping.
    -idontfeellikedancing
  20. Butterfinger should host a bowl game, and invite the two teams that had the most fumbles during the regular season.
    -cptncivil
  21. I can slowly feel myself getting older by how long I have to scroll down to find my birth year on website age gates.
    -salad_dressing_dude
  22. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson should host a cooking show where contestants have to guess what he’s cooking by smell alone.
    -ULTRA_Lenin
  23. I can send someone a poop emoji, but I can’t type a text with italics.
    -PacifistToYourFace
  24. A group of squid should be called a squad.
    -Thediepend
  25. What if your whole life flashing before your eyes right before you die happens in real time? And what if we’re living it right now? And what if we get deja vu because we have small moments of consciousness where we realize this all really HAS happened before?
    -happybex
  26. Being a sexual partner of mine is a more exclusive club than being President of the United States.
    -sch6808
  27. Unless you’re a celebrity, Twitter is like talking to yourself in a crowded room.
    -Sir_Vyvin
  28. If you did something “like a boss,” you’d probably just pay someone else to do it.
    -mcgeeb
  29. The only reason celebrities always say people should “follow their dreams” is because they’re part of the small percentage who were actually successful.
    -RottenAnemone
  30. “As a dishwasher, I come home after hours of work in which I get covered in filth, and I take a shower only to realize…I am the final dish.”
    -RandyJones

Email this to a friend

Cody Sutton

Cody Mack Sutton is a born and raised Texan that only took five and a half years to proudly graduate from Texas A&M University. If he had a resume, it would probably be long and distinguished. Often referred to by his family as a "Renaissance Man,” Cody is currently holding out for a Senior level management position with a corner office.

10 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More