We’ve seen the 27 Things You’ll See In Every 20-Something Guy’s Tinder Profile, but the ladies are guilty of some of the same stuff, and some other annoying crap too.
- Marilyn Monroe quotes. Ladies, she was a slut, not a philosopher.
- One picture of yourself. A lot of times there is another girl in it. I’m confused.
- Every picture is of a group. If the whole group is hot, bonus. Fastest right swipe ever.
- “It’s my niece/nephew.” I appreciate knowing it isn’t your kid, but I know you have a bajillion other pictures on Facebook that you could have used.
- “I don’t reply to ‘hey’ messages.” Should I start with my life story, maybe a “You must be from Tennessee, ‘cause you’re the only ten I see,” or perhaps “Wanna bone?” I’d say ‘hey’ is a great casual start to the conversation on the most casual dating (random sex) app ever invented.
- “It’s going down, I’m yelling Tinder.” Hooray, you replaced one singular letter in an entire song lyric. You’re a genius.
- Headshots only. I’ll just assume you’re somewhere between slightly overweight to morbidly obese. Regardless, left swipe.
- Pictures with random dudes. I have random girls in my pictures, so yes, I’m a hypocrite. But that’s only because I don’t take pictures when I go out, or when I’m at home, and post them to Facebook. Also, I’m computer illiterate and don’t know how to crop.
- Tons of emojis. We know you think they’re super cute or whatever, but, stop.
- No bio? How lazy are you? I’m guessing you’re a blowjob on anniversaries/birthdays only type of girl. Left for sure.
- “You have to be 6’2” or taller, have a six pack, and a great job.” Okay ladies, here’s my rebuttal: 5’2”, size 2, and two D’s in your bra. How did that make you feel?
- Every picture is you and your girls at the club. I don’t think I can afford to hang out with you.
- You’re making a silly face in every picture. You’re the goofy girl in the group, got it. But what does your actual face look like?
- All black and white pictures with one thing in color. You’re like, the best Photoshop user EVER.
- Your family is in every one of your pictures. That’s just creepy. You do know this is a casual sex app, right?
- “I’m just on here for fun, lol.” I’m on here for fun too, of the sending nudes/random sex variety.
- Bible passages. W.W.J.D.? He probably wouldn’t be on Tinder with his boobs popping out. Nice try, closet whore.
- You’re doing the skinny arm in every picture. I’m swiping left, purely on principle.
- Your profile contains at least one word with too many Y’s, Z’s, or S’s in it.
- The fem-douche mirror selfie only profile. You took six pictures of yourself in the bathroom? By the way, your bathroom is messy as hell, clean it up.
- <3. You love what? You love lamp?
- A picture of you in your wedding gown. I don’t know what you’re doing on here.
- Unattributed song lyrics. It could be where I live, but they’re usually country. I’m glad tequila makes your clothes fall off, but do you have an original thought?
- Three to five very blurry pictures where I can only see your face and cleavage. I’ll assume you’re on the thicker side, and that this profile is spam.
- You gush on and on about how wonderful your young child is. Great, now go be a mom and quit wasting our time.
- “I’m not here for anything casual. I know my worth and I won’t settle for anything less than the perfect man for me.” That’s great that you’re so self-assured, but maybe you should stop being a cheap-ass and spring for the eHarmony or Match membership to find Prince Charming.
- You like to list
trait you can think of,
every goal you
have, and every
activity you have
ever enjoyed doing
vertically so it takes
me forever to
read it all.