Because we can’t all be Vince and Ari.
1. You have the worst fashion sense of your friends.
2. You’re the fat guy of the group.
3. You always end up being the one who drives everyone else around.
4. You’re the one in the group with a niche obsession.
5. No one respects you.
6. No one takes you seriously.
7. You’ll completely humiliate yourself to get laid.
8. Everyone complains that you’re always on your phone.
9. Everyone complains that you smoke too much.
10. Though you’re pretty much the nicest of your friends, everyone gives you shit for no reason.
11. You just can’t ever seem to catch a break.
12. Everyone is puzzled when you land a hot girlfriend.
13. Everyone is even more puzzled when you land another hot girlfriend.
14. And another.
15. No one acknowledges your attempts at self-improvement.
16. You have a random, totally ridiculous nickname.
17. The weirdest of your friends think you two are the closest BFFs of the group.
18. And you can never seem to shake constantly getting paired with them.
19. You’re relied on to be the one that’s “cool with black people.”
20. Yet you still have to constantly assert your value to your friends.
21. Despite all this, you’re the most loyal friend of the group.
22. And probably the moral center of it, too.
23. Which means you’re trustworthy in a pinch.
24. And probably a pretty solid dude overall.
25. Which, in the end, helps you make big deals.
26. And get the girl.
27. And with those things, being the “Turtle” isn’t all that bad.