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26 Sharebait Articles I Actually Want To Read

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Every time I go on Facebook I end up encountering yet another viral ‘self-help’ article geared towards millennials. Granted, we’re a pretty simple group to figure out (ridden with debt and perpetually staring at the glass ceiling that happens to be the skylight in our parents’ house’s den) but trying to pigeonhole us into a tired, embittered entity is getting exhausting in itself.

The following is a selection of article concepts that don’t have their messages hidden in-between superfluous words and the flask full of vodka the author managed to dump in their protein smoothie.

  1. Why I Gave up My Cultural Identity for a Country Club Membership
  2. 20 Tasteful Abortion Jokes
  3. How I Will Live Vicariously Through my Children
  4. Brooklyn Scares Me
  5. I Plan On Going Into Politics for the Women
  6. How My Liberal Arts Degree Landed me a High Paying Job Straight After Graduation
  7. The Advantages of Meeting Your Boyfriend on LinkedIn
  8. Why Porn Doesn’t Seem More Degrading than Your Current Job
  9. When Steve Jobs Died A Piece of Me Went with Him
  10. Why Happiness Doubles As Complacency
  11. I Blame Everything on My 20s Because ‘GIRLS’ Allows Me To
  12. I Work At A Start-Up Because they Give Me Coors Light at Lunch
  13. 20 Ways to Use Facebook as a Tool for Masking your Insecurities
  14. 20 Reasons Why I Can’t Wait to Turn Into an Alcoholic Housewife
  15. I Paid Off my Student Loans by Selling Coke to the Rest of My Debate Team
  16. How to Tell if Alcoholism Should be Your Crutch
  17. Why I Embrace my Ennui and 15 Other Ways to Stay Trendy
  18. Why I’m Not Unemployed (I’m a Blogger)
  19. Why I Judge People Based On their Ability to Say ‘No’ to Me
  20. 20 Ways to Dispose of the Body
  21. My Tattoo and Piercings Speak Loads More than my Vocabulary Allows
  22. Adderall is Cheaper than Coke
  23. I Got Syphilis for my Birthday
  24. The Advantages of Dating your Dealer
  25. Why Murray Hill is a Living Nightmare (High School Reunion Edition)
  26. I Gave up Carbohydrates and my Will to Live at the Same Time

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sarahsolfails

Writer in NYC. To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough."

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