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25 Signs It’s Monday

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  1. You spill coffee all over your computer keyboard. And your white shirt. And that huge stack of important paperwork from HR.
  2. The only work-appropriate shirt you own that’s even remotely close to clean is in a wad on your floor. You have yet to purchase an iron.
  3. Drunk you thought it would be hilarious to play a game of “hide my keys” last night. Guess who didn’t think it was hilarious? Your boss.
  4. That feeling that you were forgetting something? That was deodorant.
  5. When “Sunday Funday” turns into “Migraine Monday.”
  6. You just started your diet. Again.
  7. You were too busy getting hammered to go to the grocery store this weekend, so your lunch is a random combination of Saltines, croutons, and a stale donut that you scavenged from the break room.
  8. You realize all of the looks coming from your coworkers aren’t actually checking out your new attire. Your buttons were mismatched.
  9. You don’t have the energy to keep Cindy from accounting from showing you the slideshow of her great-niece’s second birthday.
  10. You’re already counting down the hours until you get off work and you haven’t left your house yet.
  11. You seriously debate who would notice if you added Bailey’s to your coffee.
  12. You were actually going to be on time for work. Until you realized you were out of gas.
  13. – 25. Screw it. It’s Monday.

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Steph W.

Steph W. is a new Master's degree graduate with an intern's salary and six-figure taste. She realizes her expectations far exceed reality, so she spends her days pinning away Loubs she pretends are in her physical closet instead of her virtual one. Her hobbies include attempting to trapping her boyfriend into marriage before he finds out how insane she is and pretending that Black Box wine tastes as good as the kind she could afford when she was gainfully employed. Send her tips for getting out of student debt at recruitchairtsm@gmail.com

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