25 Reasons You Shouldn’t Care About iOS 7

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ios7a

  1. They will still never be able to top classic Snake on a Nokia phone.
  2. iTunes radio is nothing but a Pandora clone…and Spotify is still significantly better.
  3. The main thing you’re going to notice is slightly prettier icons.
  4. Siri still won’t tell you where to find an abortion clinic.
  5. People with Android phones will still argue with you.
  6. You can see all of your photos at once, which will only remind you why you should never become a photographer.
  7. The AirDrop sharing feature will only save you about 4 seconds compared to an actual text message or email.
  8. The biggest feature is nothing more than “It looks nicer.”
  9. There still isn’t a built in “Stop Me From Texting My Ex” feature.
  10. It will take you about an hour to download, and the anxiety of going that long without checking your Twitter feed might kill you.
  11. Some of your apps might not work with the update.
  12. Updated or not, everyone will still make fun of you when you use Siri.
  13. Your drunken panorama attempts will still leave headless demon spawn in the frame.
  14. Did anything really need to be fixed?
  15. Safari will still be worthless compared to Google Chrome.
  16. Your battery will still die at the most inopportune times.
  17. The Terms & Conditions force you to sacrifice your first-born to Steve Job’s ghost.
  18. People still won’t give a shit when you upload your bi-weekly jog to Facebook.
  19. Siri will still have the comprehension of a 70-year-old deaf woman.
  20. The built in filter feature makes it even easier for unattractive girls to fool you.
  21. Group texts will still annoy the fuck out of you.
  22. Why update your phone now when you’re getting a new one in two days?
  23. Instead of everything being black or grey, now it’s white. INNOVATION!!!!!1
  24. By downloading it you associate with the Apple fanboys who get sexual pleasure out of this kind of stuff.
  25. It doesn’t improve uploading food pics to Instagram in any way shape or form.

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Joe Nullet

Joe is a writer for Post Grad Problems and TotalFratMove who enjoys an after-work Yuengling just as much as the next guy. He still doesn't own a box spring for his bed, but if you know a guy who is selling one he's definitely interested.

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  1. 22
    Brian McGannon

    The only reason I switched to the iPhone was so I could defend myself against the merciless slander in group chats.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
  2. 14
    5OClockShadow

    I had an Android for a couple years and now I have an iPhone. I don’t know how I lived without an iPhone.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
  3. 5
    The Temp

    Listen Andriod lovers. You want to know why so many people have iphones? because everyone has an iphone, and if this chick wants to facetime me and show me her tits or all my buddies wanna live-text breaking bad in a group text, i can do that! I don’t really give a shit about other features, other than the ones that make my shit compatible with other peoples’ shit.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
    • 1
      Ohsooyellow

      Yesss. FaceTime is golden. I don’t even like getting text messages either. iMessage is king, green bubbles are for peasants.

      Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
    • -5
      ICF

      Call me a hater, but I’m pretty sure Android holds almost twice the market share of iPhone.
      Secondly, GroupMe and Skype.

      Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
      • -6
        synkow

        There are also like a 100 different phones that run on a “Android” operating system where as there are <10 phones running iOS.

        Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
  4. 4
    Straight_Commission

    My screen is so fucked up I am not going to be able to notice all the pretty shit the update comes with…….. I’m still getting it.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
  5. 0
    re_chard

    The general iPhone owning populace will really never tap into the actual power their device has. They have it because it’s a trend item. Android owners range from real techies to really cheap people. There’s shit on both ends of the spectrum, but Android being open source offers a whole lot more range of possibility for tech geeks, DIYers, and the creative types. iPhones are simple, and they’ve become trendy because the general populace is simple. Simple things for simple people.

    Lastly:
    FB Messenger > GroupChat
    Google Hangout > Facetime

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago
  6. 0
    jimer2

    Cute, really funny. However as an industry expert and Apple developer, I’d like to refute #4, Siri most definitely helps with that. I’d like to confirm #1, 5, 6, 7, 9, 12, 13, 16, 17, 18, 20, 21, 22. I’d argue with #8, the biggest features which are real draws, are: 1) App switching and closing MUCH improved, 2) Control Center access to quick apps and settings, 3) Background app updates, 4) Better battery use if you turn off some new features (see upcoming blog post on TechGeekJay later this week), 5) Block callers and text spammers! Really, you think that’s not a HUGE bonus?

    Dispute: 11 (I’ve been testing for 4 months, never had an issue). As for the rest, can’t speak to them. I don’t use Instagram, who the heck needs yet another networking thing?

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 1 year ago

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