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25 Reasons You Shouldn’t Care About iOS 7

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  1. They will still never be able to top classic Snake on a Nokia phone.
  2. iTunes radio is nothing but a Pandora clone…and Spotify is still significantly better.
  3. The main thing you’re going to notice is slightly prettier icons.
  4. Siri still won’t tell you where to find an abortion clinic.
  5. People with Android phones will still argue with you.
  6. You can see all of your photos at once, which will only remind you why you should never become a photographer.
  7. The AirDrop sharing feature will only save you about 4 seconds compared to an actual text message or email.
  8. The biggest feature is nothing more than “It looks nicer.”
  9. There still isn’t a built in “Stop Me From Texting My Ex” feature.
  10. It will take you about an hour to download, and the anxiety of going that long without checking your Twitter feed might kill you.
  11. Some of your apps might not work with the update.
  12. Updated or not, everyone will still make fun of you when you use Siri.
  13. Your drunken panorama attempts will still leave headless demon spawn in the frame.
  14. Did anything really need to be fixed?
  15. Safari will still be worthless compared to Google Chrome.
  16. Your battery will still die at the most inopportune times.
  17. The Terms & Conditions force you to sacrifice your first-born to Steve Job’s ghost.
  18. People still won’t give a shit when you upload your bi-weekly jog to Facebook.
  19. Siri will still have the comprehension of a 70-year-old deaf woman.
  20. The built in filter feature makes it even easier for unattractive girls to fool you.
  21. Group texts will still annoy the fuck out of you.
  22. Why update your phone now when you’re getting a new one in two days?
  23. Instead of everything being black or grey, now it’s white. INNOVATION!!!!!1
  24. By downloading it you associate with the Apple fanboys who get sexual pleasure out of this kind of stuff.
  25. It doesn’t improve uploading food pics to Instagram in any way shape or form.

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Joe Nullet

Joe is a writer for Post Grad Problems and TotalFratMove who enjoys an after-work Yuengling just as much as the next guy. He still doesn't own a box spring for his bed, but if you know a guy who is selling one he's definitely interested.

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