The next time you try to justify your sad, entry-level existence to your parents, your significant other, or even yourself, just remember that some people have done the unthinkable; some people have made it. As for the rest of us? Well, here’s to hoping for a lottery win or an illegitimate pregnancy with one of these jokers below.
1. Jennifer Lawrence, 23
Actress. Oscar winner. The girl that you would literally give anything to be friends with. She tripped at the Academy Awards and somehow it made you like her more.
2. Demi Lovato, 21
Singer. Platinum selling artist. Beating you on all counts – she’s even been to rehab already.
3. Robert Griffin III (RG3), 23
Football player. Winner of the Heisman Trophy. Quarterback for the Redskins and all around good guy. HTTR.
4. Andrew Sutherland, 24
Academic. Founded Quizlet. You know that website you used to study for your Spanish vocab quizzes? This guy invented that…at 15.
5. Kevin Durant, 24
Basketball player. NBA All-Star. He’s a former Rookie of the Year who currently plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder. Oh, and he’s starred in a movie and won an Olympic Gold Medal. Feel bad about yourself yet?
6. Dakota Fanning, 19
Actress. Nominated for a SAG award at the age of 8. She now attends NYU and dabbles in some movies, you know, like The Twilight Saga.
7. Johnny Manziel, 20
Football player. All-American idiot. When he’s not selling autographs (allegedly) or talking about his oil money, he’s the quarterback for Texas A&M. Say what you want about him though, he’s done a lot for a guy who can’t even legally drink yet.
8. Emma Watson, 23
Actress. Hermoine Granger. Attended Brown University. She had more money at 14 than you will have in your entire life.
9. Nolan Gould, 14
Actor. Star of “Modern Family.” Much smarter than you. He’s a member of MENSA. Oh, and he graduated high school at 13.
10. Bryce Harper, 20
Baseball player. Graced the cover of Sports Illustrated at the ripe old age of 16. These days he plays for the Washington Nationals…and dodges my phone calls.
11. Sean Belnick, 23
Entrepreneur. Founder of Bizchair. He owns an office supply store whose clients include The Pentagon. What’s a boring company like that worth, anyway? Oh, you know, just a cool $42 million.
12. Evan Draim, 18
Political activist. Youngest RNC Delegate ever. When he’s not being interviewed by Megyn Kelly, he’s doing the normal freshman year of college stuff…at Princeton.
13. Miley Cyrus, 20
Singer. Platinum selling artist. She violated herself with a foam finger and her real name is Destiny Hope – and yet you’re still in no position to look down upon her.
14. James Harden, 24
Basketball player. NBA All-Star. He may be just 24, but his beard looks like it’s pushing 60, at least. When he’s not playing for the Houston Rockets, he’s admiring his Olympic Gold Medal, because, you know, he has one of those.
15. Kiernan Shipka, 13
Actress. Don Draper’s daughter, Sally. She’s unable to both drive and see an R-rated movie, and yet this little nugget has been making losers out of the rest of us since she was 8.
16. Wil Myers, 22
Baseball player. Possible 2013 American League Rookie of the Year. Because of him, the Rays were actually able to sell some tickets this year.
17. Justin Bieber, 19
Singer. Platinum selling artist. Annoying as all hell, but he banged Selena Gomez and is well on his way to becoming a entertainment supernova billionaire. What have you done lately?
18. Emma Stone, 24
Actress. Golden Globe nominee. Looks good with any hair color. She’s funny and beautiful and impossible to hate.
19. Michelle Wie, 23
Golfer. LPGA Champion. Would kick your ass on the course, and she’s a girl.
20. McKayla Maroney, 17
Gymnast. Olympic medal winner. Famous for being a sore loser. Rocker of the greatest “bitch face” known to man.
21. Kate Upton, 21
Model. Cover girl. The best thing to happen to Sports Illustrated since Michael Jordan.
22. Selena Gomez, 21
Singer. Platinum selling artist. She’s a former child star who is breaking out on her own. She’s already breaking hearts across the world and she’s barely just begun destroying her good girl Disney image.
23. Dave Adrounie, 22
Marine. Deployed to Afghanistan twice. He won’t show up on Forbes or be featured in Sports Illustrated, but he fights the bad guys so you don’t have to.
24. Taylor Swift, 23
Singer. Grammy award winner. Worst ex-girlfriend in the entire world. She is the queen of Stage 5 Clingers and makes bags of money doing so.
25. Russell Wilson, 24
Football player. 2012 NFL Rookie of the Year. He’s the quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks and there’s an argument to be made that he’s the next big, or little (he’s only 5’11”) thing in the NFL. Oh, and his wife is a smoke show, because, you know, why wouldn’t she be?