2013 was a journey filled inspiration, musical hilarity, global prosperity and twerking. Here are a few pop culture things you may have picked up along the way:
- If you make a music video including a techno song, people wearing animal masks and small Asian men, you will become famous for 17.5 minutes.
- Generation Selfie has begun. And should end. Now.
- Twerking is catastrophic. It ruins lives, tears apart marriages, and obliterates self-respect. (Unless you’re Justin Timberlake. He can do anything.)
- Anything worth noting needs a #hashtag. #eventhingsthathavenobusinessontheinternet
- You never know when racial slurs will cost you your job. Oh wait, that’s ALWAYS. Sorry Paula Dean, no more eating butter sticks on camera for you.
- If you start a fight with Kanye West on Twitter, you’ll win. #TeamJimmy
- If you and your boss can’t agree on something, just shut down the company. Obviously worked for the government.
- Never trust a guy with a fake girlfriend. Lookin’ at you, Manti Te’o.
- The golden age of pop music is over. So long, early ’90s & 2000’s. Hello dubstep.
- If you want people to outwardly hate you, call yourself Yeezus.
- When in doubt, twerk it out. (Ignore lesson #3)
- Tina Fey & Amy Poehler should to host ev-er-y-thing.
- If you buy a monkey in Germany, you can’t bring it back with you. Sorry, Biebs.
- Beyonce. Just…Beyonce.
- Super tall bling’d out basketball players and short scary dictators make the best of friends. “Who cares who killed who, let’s hang out.”
- Why send texts when you can send snaps that will last for 10 seconds?
- Can’t come up with new ideas? Shrink it and pink it. Right, Apple?
- Don’t believe Mayans. STILL HERE, MAYANS!
- The formula for teen boy bands will never change. Fame = One boy with great hair, one cute quiet one, one that looks way older than the rest – is that a beard? – one that adds a teeny bit of diversity to the group, one that’s slightly questionable. Did I miss anyone?
- You will undoubtedly win every music award ever if your name rhymes with Aylor Wift.
- If your YouTube video doesn’t have that many views, add a cat to it. It’ll go viral.
- Duchess Kate Middleton is the prettiest person in the world. End of story.
- Never volunteer to put your face on the homepage of healthcare.gov.
Thanks for your life lessons, 2013. We will miss you and your antics.