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21 Power Moves You Can Pull At Happy Hour

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  1. Right when you walk in the door, loosen your tie. It shows everyone that you mean business.
  2. Roll up your sleeves right as you hit the bar. This is the universal sign that “Things are about to get ugly around here, and I’m going to be getting put in a cab within the next two hours.”
  3. Pop a 20 dollar bill into the jukebox and announce your presence with authority. No one will be skipping your selections for the next hour and a half. Deal with it.
  4. Scotch and a Triple Dipper.
  5. Start a fight and then break it up.
  6. Stare down rival company employees and condescendingly buy them drinks, as if to subtly say, “Hey, I heard your second quarter numbers weren’t too great. Have a drink on us.”
  7. Buy a pack of cigs from the bar. Yeah, they’re marked up five bucks, but buying cigs at a gas station while sober isn’t the kind of look you’re down with.
  8. Smoke in the bar until the bartender tells you to take it outside.
  9. Smack an e-cig out of someone’s hand on your way out.
  10. Complain about whatever sporting event they have on the TVs. “No one gives a shit about that.”
  11. Buy a round of shots for your happy hour crew. They’ll pretend that they don’t want them, but deep down, they really want to cut loose. You bring the fun.
  12. Start a high stakes poker game at your table.
  13. “I’m not going anywhere unless we have a reservation.”
  14. Sloppily hit on older women at the bar.
  15. Bump into someone’s table and spill their drinks all over the place. Apologize profusely, while trying not to slur too much. Buy them a round of shots as a gesture of goodwill.
  16. If any of your friends try to bail early, call them a pussy and/or try to fight them.
  17. Carve your name into the table with your Capital One $250 limit credit card.
  18. Propose a toast only to find your friends have moved to another table.
  19. Begin smoking cigarettes with strangers on the patio and ruin their conversations.
  20. When closing out your tab, be sure to write your phone number on your receipt and make it barely legible for the moderately attractive bartender to read.
  21. Vanish like a ghost in the night. Get in a cab and don’t tell any of your friends.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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