1. Offer to go halfsies with your dad on The Playboy Channel.
2. Leave a message with your dad’s boss that he needs to be home tomorrow for the hot tub guy.
3. Tell your parents you’ll take allowance on Thursdays.
4. Yell at your mom when she doesn’t wake you up for work.
5. Fill the DVR with softcore porn.
6. Impose a strict noise ordinance between the hours of 7am and 2pm.
7. Use dinner as a platform to educate your dad on the importance of portfolio diversification.
8. Let your mother know how much you enjoyed breakfast by leaving her a tip.
9. Invoice your parents for moving expenses.
10. Put the guest room on airbnb.com to earn some extra spending cash.
11. Keep a stack of nursing home pamphlets on your nightstand to remind your parents who’s really in charge.
12. When you’re asked to help out around the house, make it crystal clear that you’re a guest.
13. Any time your dad sees you watching TV, ask if he’d rather watch his cartoons.
14. Send your parents a daily inspirational text about their untapped potential.
15. Recommend that your parents fire their money manager due to last year’s subpar returns.
16. Email your parents’ lawyer a revised copy of the will.
17. Straighten your dad’s tie every chance you get.
18. Have a stock ticker installed in the living room.
19. Show up to your dad’s office and introduce yourself as his life coach.
20. Remind your dad to dress for the job he wants, not the job he has.
21. Accuse the maid of stealing your Adderall.