Columns

21 More Power Moves You Can Pull At Your Entry-Level Job

patrick-bateman-american-psycho-2000-

Because you should be pulling power moves 24/7/365, not just every once in a while.

  1. Say “I give it six months” when a coworker’s relationship comes up.
  2. Start whistling the Enzyte theme song around older coworkers.
  3. Tell people to “step into my office” when they show up at your cubicle.
  4. Send the intern on elaborate errands late in the day, and then go home before they get back.
  5. Grunt excessively in the office gym.
  6. Say “You know how it is…” to a married coworker after going into detail about a sexual encounter you had over the weekend.
  7. When asked for feedback on a coworker’s project, say “Here’s what I would’ve done…”
  8. Order a strippergram for yourself and act completely surprised when they show up.
  9. Ask for a 25% raise at your 90-day performance review.
  10. Tell people that you’ve got a “great lawn guy,” even though you live on the third floor of an apartment complex.
  11. Pull a “I’m a little busy over here, but check back later,” while playing Minesweeper.
  12. Make a counteroffer when a coworker tells you how much you owe on the lunch bill.
  13. Don’t say anything and stare down anyone who asks you “Workin’ hard or hardly workin’?”
  14. Only carry one business card on you at all times.
  15. Put a koozie around your Diet Coke.
  16. Talk openly about how you would take the company public.
  17. Try to break a customer service rep.
  18. Go full Pooh Bear at the urinal.
  19. Slip an intern five dollars and have them call you “Captain Blood” around the other interns.
  20. Pay a tailor to come into the office to refit your $175 Jos. A. Bank suit.
  21. Run a black market for drink tickets at the company fellowship seminar.

Editor’s note: Some, if not all of these will get you fired.

Email this to a friend

Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

14 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More