By now, you’ve seen Kim Kardashian’s healthy back door on the cover of Paper magazine. You most likely saw it on your phone while you pretended to take a shit at work. Think you’re the “World’s #1 Kim K. Ass Fan”? Well, before you get that printed on a coffee mug, you need to test your knowledge against these facts that might surprise you.
- Kim’s can is insured for $21 million.
- Has a secret ingredient (nutmeg).
- Won a Purple Heart while fighting in Desert Storm.
- Can fart the whistle part of “Patience” by Guns N’ Roses.
- Owns 5 percent of the Indiana Pacers.
- Houses a Korean nail salon in the left cheek.
- Formerly housed a Papa John’s in the right cheek. (Currently for lease due to health code violations.)
- Used to play drums in Styx.
- Makes, like, THE BEST guac.
- Weighs roughly the same as two large ostriches (about 600 pounds).
- Was People magazine’s 2003 “Sexiest Man Alive.”
- Needs to be watered twice a day.
- Is distant cousins with the Hamburger Helper hand.
- Is legally named “Moisten Butterball III.”
- Poops out Cadbury Eggs on Easter.
- Was briefly married to Kansas City Royals Hall of Famer George Brett.
- Smokes Newport Lights.
- Will be a new flavor of Doritos next summer.*
- Slated to produce Kanye’s next album.
- Serves as an unofficial adviser to President Obama.
- Won “Class Clown” in high school.
*Rumored. Kim Kardashian’s people refused to comment..
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