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20 Ways To Weasel Out Of A Speeding Ticket

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Life in the fast lane can cost you. Literally.

  1. Blame love: “I’m late for my dad’s third wedding!”
  2. Pull a Dillon: “I shit my pants.”
  3. Blame genetics: “I was born with an actual lead foot, sir.”
  4. Make an outrageous claim: “I’m filming Fast & Furious 8.”
  5. Make 80’s pop culture references: “KITT has a mind of his own, you know how it is.”
  6. And again: “I’m headed back to the future, care to join me?” or “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads…”
  7. Blame your nonexistent newborn: “The little rascal is teething, I haven’t slept in weeks.”
  8. Pull out the pathetic card: “My boss threatened to fire me if I was late again.”
  9. Throw him some scratch: “Here’s 10 bucks, lunch is on me, pal.”
  10. Grab your crotch and squirm: “I’m about to piss my pants!”
  11. Play to his ego by throwing a Hail Mary: “Has anyone ever told you you’re a dead ringer for Brad Pitt?”
  12. Full on sob: “I’m-m-m sor-sorry I d-d-don’t mean to c-cr-cry.”
  13. Show some skin: “One moment officer, I know my proof of insurance is in here somewhere.” *reaches into cleavage*
  14. Start singing the Bobby Valentino verse of Lil Wayne’s Mrs. Officer: “..maybe you can lock me up and throw away the key, call your sergeant and tell him you can’t finish your shift, cause it’s on tonight. Breakfast in bed turns into breakfast & head..”
  15. Ask her out: “Listen ma’am, whatdya say we cruise down to the Outback Steakhouse and discuss my driving over a Bloomin’ Onion and some drinks. My treat.”
  16. Plead ignorance: “I thought the sign back there said the speed limit was 90?”
  17. Make it known you’re broke as a joke: “I respect what you have to do, but I can’t even afford milk right now, let alone a speeding ticket.”
  18. Pacify the cop with empty promises: “It won’t happen again, I swear on Kate Upton’s rack I will obey all traffic laws for the rest of my life.”
  19. Burden them with a horrific life story: “My girlfriend, who I just found out is my half sister, is sleeping with my boss, who is my adoptive dad! Can’t I catch a break?!”
  20. Be a patriot about it: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

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