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20 Things Guys and Girls View Differently About Weddings

1.  The dress
Her:  The most beautiful dress she’ll ever wear…as long as it doesn’t make her hips look too wide.

Him: Just don’t spill anything on it2.  The ceremony

Her:  The only acceptable ocassion – ever – to wear waterproof mascara.

Him: Is this really necessary?3.  The vows

Her:  I would fucking KILL to have someone say those things to me.

Him: This is so gay.4.  The bridal party

Her: My best friends, except for her fat cousin from Pennsylvania.

Him: She’s got some hot friends, except for the fat cousin from Pennsylvania.5.  The groomsmen

Her:  3 of my college one night stands.  Great reunion.

Him: They’re gonna get so much pussy6.  The open bar

Her:  Jesus take the wheel, I’ll be a drunk, emtional disaster by the end of the night.

Him: An open challenge to see how much you can drink7.  The DJ/band

Her:  CALL ME MAYBE, STAT.

Him: Play more Phil Collins.8.  The dinner menu

Her:  Oh, good, they didn’t do a buffet.  So tacky.

Him: If they don’t have prime rib, I’m going to throw a tantrum

9.  The bride’s father

Her:  My favorite man alive!

Him: Thanks for all the free booze

10. The groom’s family

Her:  Ugh, his mom seems like such a bitch.

Him: Man, his mom is really hot.

11. The hot cousins (on either side)

Her:  Is he single?

Him: Is she 18?12. The ring

Her:  Eh, a little small for MY liking, but it’s bigger than the one I have…which is nonexistent.

Him: Three months salary

13. Your date (or lack thereof)

Her:  Please please please don’t get drunk and embarrass me.

Him: Shoulda gone stag.14. The cake

Her:  RED VELVET EVERYTHING.

Him: Unnecessary interruption of this outstanding display of drunk dancing.

15. Your choice of drink all night

Her:  I’m keeping it class, so vodka sodas and the occasional champagne toast/glass of white wine, obv.

Him: Top shelf everything. Not paying for it.16. The post-reception party

Her:  Well, my date’s already passed out, and I’m moving in on the groomsmen.  At this point, I’m painfully aware of how single I am.

Him: Swimming in a sea of sad, vulnerable, single women.

17. Your dance moves at the reception
Her:  I’m fully prepared to embarrass myself, because it’s my best friend’s wedding.
Him: I am Michael Jackson reincarnated.
18. The bachelor party

Her:   There better not be strippers.

Him: Funeral for the awesome part of buddy’s life.19. The bachelorette party

Her:  MALE STRIPPERS AND PENIS CROWNS!

Him: Should’ve invested in dick-shaped straws.

20. The hangover the next day

Her:  So worth it.
Him: Worth it.

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TheChampionsTour

TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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