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20 Holidays I’d Rather Celebrate Than “National Boss Day”

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Because if there’s one holiday America needs, it’s one that celebrates the person who makes your life a living hell. It’s just another bullshit reason for Hallmark to sell cards and FTD to sell flowers. Some days, I just wanna burn this motherfucker to the ground. Especially on days like this one. There better be cake in the break room. What would I celebrate before National Boss Day? I’ll tell ya what I’d celebrate…

  1. National Alison Gold Day. Everyone eats Chinese food for lunch, while listening to that song non-stop for nine hours.
  2. International Granny Panty Day. Your significant other welcomes you home, wearing only grannie panties.
  3. Gout Awareness Day.
  4. French a Homeless Person For 20 Minutes Day.
  5. Bleu Cheese Dressing And Sour Cream Appreciation Day. Exclusively eat bleu cheese dressing and sour cream for all three meals.
  6. Canadian Thanksgiving. Thank Canada for existing.
  7. Any religious holiday that involves fasting.
  8. Hawaiian Shirt Day
  9. Jean Shorts Appreciation Day. That might actually be a Florida state holiday. Double checking.
  10. Delete Everything On Your DVR On Accident Day
  11. Mexican Tap Water Day
  12. Stuck On A Big Bang Theory Marathon And I Can’t Find The Remote Day
  13. Find Out A Family Member Does Porn Day
  14. PC Load Letter Appreciation Week
  15. Syrian New Year
  16. All John Williams Movie Scores Get Replaced With Dubstep Day
  17. Farrelly Brothers Movie Marathon (Sans Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary) Day
  18. 9/11 Truthers Day
  19. International Twilight Moms Appreciation Day
  20. National Assistant Manager Appreciation Day

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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