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20 Differences Between College And Postgrad Tailgates

2013-college-football-week-2-tailgating

College: A 7:30am wake-up is hell on earth.
Postgrad: A 7:30am wake-up is sleeping in.

College: Cold autumn morning means it’s still tank top weather. Just need more bourbon.
Postgrad: Cold autumn morning means the perfect excuse to finally wear that turtleneck.

College: Beer pong and flip cup tables.
Postgrad: Cold cuts and pumpkin spice muffin tables.

College: Speakers blasting techno and country.
Postgrad: Speakers blasting the pregame show on AM radio.

College: Plastic handles of flavored vodka.
Postgrad: Finally upgraded to Svedka and Beam this year.

College: There’s a good chance you won’t be eating.
Postgrad: A trunk’s worth of barbeque, bratwurst, and burgers.

College: Shotgun three brews in the first five minutes. Pat your stomach. Feel proud.
Postgrad: Polish off three donut bites in the first five minutes. Pat your stomach. Feel ashamed.

College: Tailgates are parties that happen to have a football theme.
Postgrad: Getting pumped for the game is the first, second, and third priority.

College: If you need a ticket, just look for a student ID that you could pass for.
Postgrad: If you need a ticket, just look for the homeless looking guy.

College: Chances are you’re going to wander to three or four different tailgates.
Postgrad: Only place you’re wandering to is the port-o-potty line.

College: The rule of thumb for College Gameday signs: The racier, the better.
Postgrad: You wonder how some of those Gameday signs were allowed on television.

College: Samantha Steele spotting. What a babe.
Postgrad: Samantha Steele spotting. Damn you, Ponder.

College: Lee Corso wearing a headdress and doing an Indian dance is hilarious.
Postgrad: Lee Corso wearing a headdress and doing an Indian dance seems to fly in the face of ESPN’s “anti-Redskins” stance.

College: Cornhole is your bread and butter.
Postgrad: It’s all about tossing the pigskin.

College: Hitting on girls is expected. Tailgates are pretty much parties with a football theme.
Postgrad: Hitting on the students gets creepier by the year.

College: Once you’re inside the stadium, you’ll be surrounded by the rowdiest fellow students in the country.
Postgrad: 95% of the people you will be sitting near couldn’t get into the school. Of this 95%, half look like they wear jean shorts.

College: Justify leaving early by wanting to drink more.
Postgrad: Justify leaving early by wanting to beat traffic.

College: Sing Hall & Oates all morning until you’re hoarse in the throat.
Postgrad: Periodically sing the fight song at a less-than-enthusiastic volume.

College: Kickoff time = nap time.
Postgrad: Kickoff time = game time.

College: Your team is going to kick ass today.
Postgrad: Your team is going to kick ass today.

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell makes jokes to hide the fact that he's upset, because that's what children of divorce do.

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