Do you ever wish you could go back and fix something you did on your first day of work?
I know I do. I remember beating our legal counsel in ping pong on my first day of work. I mean, I straight up smoked this guy. Could have skunked him had it not been for someone walking in the break room and distracting me during his serve. But still, it was enough to get on his bad side for the rest of time. He won’t even play ping pong now unless someone forces him into the break room.
Everybody has a “first day of work” story. No matter how hard you try, it’s never going to be a perfect first day. Luckily for you, the internet is here with 16 helpful tips you should remember before starting a new job. Maybe this will help before you move on to another employer.
Focus on listening and learning, not on proving yourself.
Don’t act like you don’t need help.
Show up early.
And stay until your boss leaves. Impressions matter.
It is better to ask how to do something twice then to do it incorrectly once
Asking questions is better than assuming and fucking up.
Find out who the biggest toughest guy/gal in the office is and kick their ass all around the break-room. This will establish your dominance. The rest of your peers will respect and fear you. Then, go to your manager/supervisor, subdue them, take off their clothes and dress yourself in them. As you stare them in the eye, say “I’m dressing for the job I want, not the job I have you little jabroney.”
Absolutely establish your dominance as the new office bully.
Always stay busy!
Never look like you aren’t needed.
Ask the obvious questions. Even if they seem stupid. Sometimes different companies have not so obvious answers. You’re new, don’t expect to know anything whatsoever.
No such thing as a stupid question.*
*Yes, there is.
Meet as many people as you can. Especially in a large company, it’s all about networking.
All of life is about networking.
Don’t work too hard, you want them to set the bar for your productivity low. That way you can slack forever.
Aim low and avoid disappointment.
Remember to drink after, not before.
Play it safe.
Smile at everyone.
Just don’t make waves. Put your head down and do your work well.
Not a creepy smile. Just a normal one.
For the love of God, don’t show up late. Also, at first, you may think you’ll never be able to catch on. It’s normal to think that, but you’ll be fine.
If you’re late on your first day, you might as well not go at all.
Keep the porn off your work computer and dont finish on the underside of your desk. Use the trash can like an adult.
Use “incognito” windows.
Don’t decorate the desk too quickly. . . It’s a red flag.
100 percent agree with this one. Your desk is not your home.
Source the best places you can hide away and pass the time on reddit.
If a company has a website blocker, it’s not the place you want to be.
Don’t try to be everyones best friend. Let time pass and you will notice who actually wants to talk to you and isnt just making small office talk b.s….also dont fuck anyone
Being overly friendly is a turn-off.
No body likes work, but you get paid. Weed isn’t cheap
Only 40-50 more years of this mess. Just keep hammering..
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