Back in the olden days, the stand-by excuse for being late to work, depending on how you commuted to work, was either traffic or a public transportation issue. But now, thanks to the internet, those things are easily checkable. So on the days that you just can’t drag yourself out of bed to make it to work on time, you need to get a little bit creative and ensure that your excuse isn’t anything that your boss can look up online. Because he’s going to know there wasn’t a lockdown in your neighborhood while the police hunted for an escaped convict or that some giant storm didn’t roll through your town knocking the power out. To help you out, here are some excuses that you may be able to get away with.
1.) “I’m having female troubles.”
If you are a girl and your boss is a guy, he won’t ask any more questions. He’ll probably even avoid you for the rest of the week. If you are a guy and your boss is a guy, add a “You know how it is” shoulder shrug and you’re golden.
2.) “My car was surrounded by vicious wild turkeys in the driveway, so I couldn’t leave.”
This seriously happened to me once. I attached a picture of said-turkeys in the email to my boss. He told me to stay home for the day because turkeys are “fucking nuts.” #Score.
3.) “I tried to give myself an at-home hair cut last night that didn’t go so well, so I had to go to a salon before I came in this morning so I looked ok for that client meeting.”
Particularly good if you actually got a haircut the day before, so plan pre-emptively and just sleep in.
4.) “I walked into a spider web on my way to work, so I had back home and shower again.”
Only a gross, disgusting person wouldn’t shower again.
5.) “I locked myself out of my place when I went to walk the dog.”
You should probably actually have a dog for this one. Or at least pictures of someone’s dog on your desk.
6.) “I had a flat tire.”
A good, old-school, standby, but be careful not to overuse, unless you live near a nail factory.
7.) “My cat died.”
People only care enough about cats to be late, not take a whole day off.
8.) “I fell asleep on the train and I missed the stop for the office.”
Like, who hasn’t done this at least once?
9.) “I got stuck at the elevator in my apartment building.”
Just be sure your boss has never been to your single story house.
10.) “A transformer blew, so my phone died and my alarm didn’t go off.”
Safe because no one knows what a transformer does or why they “blow.”
11.) “I had to drive my grandma to her doctor appointment.”
Anything having to do with old people is an instant late-pass.
12.) “I was standing around in my towel after my shower looking at my phone and lost track of time.”
Every female boss in the world will understand this.
13.) “My car wouldn’t start because the Breathalyzer they put in after my last DUI said I was drunk.”
It was totally just my mouthwash. Really.
14.) “The Starbucks line was really long.”
Universal understanding. .
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