The final eight episodes of Breaking Bad begin airing one week from today on AMC, and anxiety-loving fans of the series can’t wait to see how things end up for Walter, Jesse, and company. Well, I’ve made some predictions. Some folks might call these predictions bold, ridiculous, or even stupid. Those folks are right.
1. Skyler White has a total personality makeover, and becomes the most likable character in the history of television.
4. Ted Beneke becomes the Michael Jordan of wheelchair basketball.
6. Jesse Pinkman gives up curse words, and starts saying things like “Gosh dang it!” and “Fudge!”
7. Badger becomes a professional riverdancer.
8. Hank Schrader becomes a raging alcoholic, refusing to drink anything but his own microbrew, Schraderbräu. He is eventually terminated from the DEA, and his theories on Walt being Heisenberg are dismissed as the drunken musings of a man who lost his grip on reality.